Keith D., contributor
Water: A natural resource which sustains all life on this planet. Truly a gift from God (or Satan, or Science, or aliens). But, like all our precious resources, H2O is under the control of giant multi-national corporate conglomerates who are more powerful than the the Oil, Tobacco, and Media Industries combined. Think about it: ALL THEIR ASSETS ARE LIQUID!
These powerful Waterlords dictate the flow of water in our daily lives. As the masses grovel for tiny drops from fountains and taps, the Water Illuminati are perched atop lush waterfalls laughing at us. These water- hoarding bastards have something we don’t, and never will as long as they are on top. They have Bidets.
Millions of Americans don’t have access to bidets and many are completely ignorant of their existence. For those who are still in the dark, don’t let the French name fool you. Bidets are an incredible and important invention and they need to be implemented immediately.
A bidet is a secondary toilet which uses water to wash the affected area of your body for a thorough and efficient cleaning. These things have been around for hundreds of years! They are common in Europe and South America and many Muslim countries. So why have they not been implemented in America?
If rinsing and washing are a must for our hands, we need to apply the same standards to our buttocks. The Water Illuminati will continue to suppress information and prevent legislation to make bidets available to the public. That’s why we, the public, need to unite together and educate others about this technology. We need to start private companies and build the bidet revolution ourselves. The time for Americans to walk around with unwashed asses is over. Let’s start the movement for cleaner bowel movements. Bring bidets to USA!