He named his dog “My Son” and he punches it all the time.
He lost your birth certificate so technically you can’t prove that you’re his son/daughter.
When he’s talking to other people and you can barely make out what he’s saying you hear him say “I hate Nissan” but he’s really saying “I hate me son” (Also he’s Irish).
He gave money to Aids research specifically to try and figure out a way to get you Aids.
He indirectly resists your demands and the demands of others. Also you think he took a shit in your bed? I mean he says he didn’t do it but he was the only one home when it happened and it smelled like your dad’s brand.
Every morning he insists on cooking you his “world famous rat poison scramble”.
He keeps sending you ISIS pamphlets.
He routinely lights your bedroom on fire.
He named you Diarrhea Head.
He says you should write for Savage Henry.