10 Signs Your Dad Hates You in a Passive Aggressive Way

He named his dog “My Son” and he punches it all the time.

He lost your birth certificate so technically you can’t prove that you’re his son/daughter.

When he’s talking to other people and you can barely make out what he’s saying you hear him say “I hate Nissan” but he’s really saying “I hate me son” (Also he’s Irish).

He gave money to Aids research specifically to try and figure out a way to get you Aids.

He indirectly resists your demands and the demands of others. Also you think he took a shit in your bed? I mean he says he didn’t do it but he was the only one home when it happened and it smelled like your dad’s brand.

Every morning he insists on cooking you his “world famous rat poison scramble”.

He keeps sending you ISIS pamphlets.

He routinely lights your bedroom on fire.

He named you Diarrhea Head.

He says you should write for Savage Henry.

About Cornell Reid

Cornell is a super funny dude who consistently cracks everyone he comes into contact with up. He kinda has the midas touch but for laughs not gold, which is way way less valuable. Cornell grew up in Arcata and everyone said he was "hella tight." Now he lives in LA where he is a very popular stand-up comedian. All of his audiences refer to him as "hella tight." The president recently held a press conference where he said "the country may be going to shit but at least Cornell is hella tight."

Check Also

The Best Way to Stay Anonymous at Your Next Craigslist Orgy

Cornell Reid, staff   Sometimes when you’re perusing craigslist you accidentally end up RSVPing to …