11 Missed Star Wars Product Tie-Ins

Subway did it. Kraft Macaroni & Cheese did it. Hell, even Crocs did it. So why did so many other companies miss out on Star Wars product tie-ins? Here are a few missed opportunities that could have brought in some major Imperial Credit.


Kashi Admiral Akbar Snackbar

A delightful combination of seven whole grains and dried salmon.


Boba Fett Giga Pet

In order to keep Traditional Giga Pets happy they need to be fed, cleaned and played with. This version just needs to be reminded that it’s not like the other clones and that his dad would probably be proud.


NRA Blaster Rifle

A sturdy firearm perfect for target practice, wild game hunting and mass shootings.


Skoal’s CHEWingtoBACCA

The first dip marketed exclusively to children and nerds. This classic Virginia Bright Leaf tobacco is cured to look just like Chewbacca’s fur.


Cloud City Cloud Storage from Dropbox

It’s pretty secure.


The Greedo Speedo

The perfect swimwear choice for the guy who thinks he’s ready to show a little more skin but is kind of lacking in the blaster department.


Han Solo Cup

Fuck red. This shit is carbonite.


Obi-Wan Ryobi Leaf Blower

The force is strong with this one.


Speeder Bike by Uber

Uber for scooters.


Sarlacc Sazerac

“Drink the worms.”


The Tampax “Tauntaun”

The tampon so big you can sleep inside of it on a cold night.

About Isaac Kozell

Isaac Kozell is a New Orleans based Writer and Standup Comedian. He spends his spare time skateboarding, gardening, and reminiscing about that one time back in '99 when he was invited onstage to perform with the band Sugar Ray.

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