1) John Goodman isn’t “good.” He’s a child murderer!
2) Ellen DeGeneres’ hair is actually a wig made of spaghetti!
3) Robert Pattinson once ate a Jack Russell terrier in a Target bathroom!
4) Drake the rapper isn’t who you think he is. He’s actually two sand sharks in a trench coat!
5) Miley Cyrus? Not a virgin!
6) Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s, isn’t alive. He’s dead!
7) Big news about Bruce Jenner: the fella loves to eat tacos!
8) What’s that growing in Jennifer Aniston’s tummy? It’s Kuato!
9) Neil Armstrong wasn’t just an astronaut — he also suffered from terrible gas!
10) Abe Lincoln was wicked rad on the Vert ramp!
11) Character actress Swoosie Kurtz’s name isn’t Susie. It’s Swoosie!
12) Remember Keenan & Kel? Keenan is now in his 11th season on Saturday Night Live, while Kel was snatched up by a condor and never seen again!
13) I got nothing.