Realistic Jobs for Your Child’s Future


A panda-carrier for the Chinese government. Carry baby pandas from viewing window to viewing window, ensuring everyone has a good look.


Keeping tires company while they wait to be put on a Honda Accord. Tires get lonely. Even around other tires. It’s the tire condition.


Being a doll nanny. You think dolls can change their own diapers? Not in the future either.


Bottle Stirrer. The ones on the bottom will get too well done if they aren’t stirred about properly.


Stuffed animal kisser. Stuffies that aren’t kissed before being shipped out eat children. And not just girls, so that’s no good.


About Chris Durant

Chris Durant has worked at not working for decades. He's the publisher of Savage Henry Magazine.

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