Ben’s 10 Volume XCVI: Throwing Bags of Grass at Musicians

If you’re Snoop Lion, Willie Nelson or Tom Petty, chances are all sorts of ganja is coming your way when you’re performing live. Well known musician/stoners receive an abundance of smoking supplies tossed in their direction as a sign of appreciation from their adoring fans. However, I’m more interested in artists who should have bags of grass thrown at them. The following assholes are in major need of getting high for one reason or another.

Sting

After a very successful career with The Police, Sting became wildly indulgent with his solo material, creating over-produced adult contemporary nonsense. One large blunt would be all it would take to get him weird again and write something interesting.

Ted Nugent

“The Nuge” should be voted “rock star most in need of smoking the weed.” This wild-eyed, bucktoothed hillbilly should fire up the laser and ease off the ridiculous gun-toting and slaughtering of animals for sport.

Bono

With the possible exception of Mick Jagger, no one takes themselves more importantly in rock than Bono. While his humanitarian efforts, and vocal performances on mediocre emotional rock are valiant efforts, the guy seems to think he’s the living reincarnation of Jesus of Nazareth. Smoke a doobie and chill out, bro.

Neil Young

The notorious Mr. Young isn’t in need of smoking more. He quit in order to write his 2012 memoir “Waging Heavy Peace.” I’d still like someone to treat him to some kind buds though, as he seems like the coolest guy ever to get high with.

Lars Ulrich

The diminutive Danish drummer of Metallica is a wealthy, average percussionist with a penchant for being a huge crybaby. His only hope of redemption is hitting the bong hard and collaborating on an album of folk standards with Beyonce.

Ani DiFranco

Miss DiFranco is a multi-talented, inventive musicians with original ideas and a penchant for social activism. If only the bag of weed on stage could count towards her contractual concert payment, she wouldn’t have to charge her adoring fans an estimated $378 a ticket.

Dave Matthews

If the worst band of all time is Nickelback, and the best is the Velvet Underground, Dave Matthews falls directly in between. His safe, mundane attempts at creating rock music has been boring crowds internationally for decades. Get this guy high and maybe he’ll come up with something listenable.

Axl Rose

Much like Lars Ulrich, Axl has a penchant for being an angry, entitled little boy. It makes sense as he’s a ginger and those people are notoriously lunatic, blood-thirsty animals. I would hope someone would toss him some high grade shit, but it could possibly delay the release of his next Guns n’ Roses record for another 17 years.

Keith Richards

Though he’s reportedly slowed down his use of illicit substances. you’d hope by hooking Richards up with smoke green, he might lay off the cocaine, junk and ketamine.

Steven Tyler

With those giant, puckered bass fish lips, you know Tyler can really hit a joint. He shouldn’t necessarily be smoking more pot, he’s just a celebrity that should be ridiculed more.

*Thank you to Tim Crosby, Annie Elfing, Chris Durant and Benson Fitts for their input on this article

About Ben Allen

Our music editor Ben Allen was born one stormy evening in a quaint Northern California coastal village. Upon birth he was immediately exposed to the soothing analog sounds of artists such as Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, Paul Simon, Captain Beefheart and Santana. As the lad grew, so did his appreciation for an assortment of abrasive hard rock. A pubescent flirtation with butt metal was shattered in the early 1990’s by exposure to Nirvana and other so-called “Alternative” bands. While in college, our protagonist became a DJ on a local station, and began work as a freelance music journalist. During this period he became entranced with artists such as Tortoise, Slint, Modest Mouse, Guided By Voices and Pavement. Currently Allen resides in Arcata, CA where he continues to obsess and salivate over new recordings by his favorite artists. He works with music industry people to ensure that Savage Henry’s contributors receive music and other promotional materials. He also writes a silly monthly list titled “Ben’s 10.”

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