How to Achieve the Perfect Stoner Look

Evan Vest, contributor

Look, I enjoy weed as much as the next guy. It’s pretty obvious when you see me that I smoke, which is rad because I’m always being offered weed or getting robbed. I’ve achieved the perfect stoner look after years of practice, and I’ve found one thing that has helped immensely: I’ve never worn ANYTHING with a pot leaf on it. If you are wearing anything with a pot leaf on it when we first meet, I actually assume you have never smoked weed in your life and your dealer is selling you pubes.

You don’t have to wear what you enjoy on your clothes. I’m a cigarette smoker, but do I go around wearing a T-shirt covered in cigarettes? I’ve thought about it, but that’s beside the point. Weed is a state of my mind, man. If you want people to know you’re down to blaze one up, there is a simple way: shorts and a beanie. Just walk down the street once in cargos and a beanie made out of hemp rope and you will be literally covered in weed, like a magnet. It also helps if you have a delicious mane of hippie hair, which means some of you older guys would have to make a visit to your nearest wig shop. You have to give out the aura of a smoker if you want to live this life, dawg. You can’t just slap a weed leaf button on your Fleetwood Mac shirt like an amateur. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to rock flannel. An ace flannel shirt screams, “I’ve smoked pot on a couch.”

Honestly, I actually don’t care what you decide to wear or look like. This was just a test to see if you would cave to societal pressure. Knock yourself out with the weed insignia; I don’t give a shit. Life is too short to worry about what others think you look like. As a matter of fact, you should get a pair of those wacky pot leaf sunglasses. Have you seen those things?! Absolutely hilarious. I’ve just ordered five pairs.

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