The Adventures of Teddy Junxspin

It was a cold morning right in the beginning of winter. Gray sky hanging over my head, literally and metaphorically. I woke up low on what makes me feel. Teddy needs his juice and he needs it now. I went down to my usual spot. Furby was out of town but the Dino was there.

“Why you talkin’ so slow, Bear?” Using that whiny jaded voice that I could only assume comes from living with arms that short. The Dino also informed me that all Furby had was double and triple-As. That’s fine for the preschool toys, but Teddy needs his juice.

He told me to try Rainbow Brite; she was shacked up in the old Pound Puppies compound. He also said he had just sent Glo Worm out there earlier in the day. I knew then that I had my work cut out for me. That worm sucks up juice faster than New Coke getting pulled off the shelves.

I ran into Simon on my way down there. I heard him beeping and booping a mile away. I knew where he was heading. At that point I was getting critically low. I could probably beat him there as long as he didn’t roll up onto his side; Iit was all downhill. The closer I got to him the more sluggish the beeps and boops sounded. By the time I got next to him is was over. Poor bastard. He was a true visionary.

I thought to myself, “How did it come to this?” We used to rule the world. I wanted to make my peace with him, but I had a bigger fish to catch, and I knew the worm I needed to use.

I got to the intersection and I could smell the battery fumes in the air. I knew that if I was going to get what I needed I was going to have to put up a fight. I walked in the door and the sight was worse than I expected: There was only one beam of light breaking through a tear in the cardboard they used to black out the windows. All the Masters of the Universe were huddled up in a corner feasting on what I could only assume was the last of the Care Bear fluff. I saw my old friend Grubby bouncing off of a Pogo ball with four Barbies.

“Teddy, long time no see! Want to get in on this?” Grubby asked.

His tape was wound tighter than Grumpy Smurf on a Monday. I told him no, and that I would call him later in the week. I asked if he had seen Rainbow Brite, and more importantly, Glo Worm. He said something about the chickens coming to roost and that the end was near. Then he tried to sell me an old jar of nuts. I knew that trick: it was actually snakes.

Then I saw her.

Rainbow Brite jumped out from behind a New Kids on The Block poster. In one hand she had Glo’s heart — guess his time had come — and in the other hand she had what I needed… but there was a price.

“Tell me about your trip to the Mushroom Forest, just like the old days,” she demanded.

It’s sad that it came to this, but I’m the one with the stories. I guess that means I get to live for a while longer…


About Matt Redbeard

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