Always Bet on Black: Wesley Snipes’ Guide to Gambling

Adam Jacobs, contributor

If I know one thing, it’s when Wesley Snipes gives you advice, you take it. I met Wesley Snipes at a 4th of July party in Venice, California just weeks before he began his prison term for tax evasion. He was rolling on ecstasy, drinking water like it was going out of style, and was wearing an all white suit, like Blade would’ve worn. He was holding court by the pool, with at least 25 people around him, when someone in the crowd yelled out, “Always bet on black!” This seemed to stir something up in Wesley, because he then gave out his betting tips.

  1. Always bet on black, unless you’re betting on a court case.
  2. Never bet against your accountant, cause he will sell you out and fuck with your taxes.
  3. Always send your personal information to Nigerian princes who are in need of your help. That gamble will always pay off.
  4. Never agree to do two sequels to a movie unless Ryan Reynolds is also signed on.
  5. If a deal seems too good to be true, then it’s probably a sweet deal, so empty your savings account and go all in.
  6. Bet with your heart and under the influence; the more intoxicated the better.
  7. Always wear sunglasses, because you look badass and Blade would totally wear shades inside at night, too.
  8. If all else fails, just cut off your dick and plead insanity… worked for Wesley Snipes, it’ll work for you.

Take the advice of a real badass like Wesley Snipes and you will be the king of all vampire hunters, I mean gamblers.

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