Animals That Would Make Good/Bad Trimmers

The title says it all, so let’s skip the dumb intro and get right to the dumb story:

Good Trimmers

trexweed

Tyrannosaurus Rexes
Short arms allow for maximum efficiency, though he would take up a lot of room in the cabin.

BeaverTeeth

Beavers
Have you seen what they can do to whole trees?

KangarooWeed

Kangaroos
Again, shorter nimble arms, but they’d probably let a bunch of buds “accidentally” fall into their pouch.

TermiteTrim

Termites
Efficient, good at devouring leaves and stems, but you’ll never get rid of them once the season is over unless you call in a specialist. You also don’t have to feed them and they come in groups of like 5,000.

CRABSandLOBSTERS

Crabs and Lobsters
You wouldn’t even need to buy Fiskars.

Bad Trimmers

Stonercat

Cats
They’d take forever, always lay around, and take off for long periods of time without telling anyone where they were going.

GorillaTrimmer

Gorillas
They’d just make the whole scene really tense… Like the awkward silent guy you’ve been sitting next to for 4 days before someone finally told you he’s been on 25 hits of acid since he’s shown up.

FishWeed

Fish
Obvious reasons.

 Snake Trimmer
Snakes
No fingers.

 Bunny Trimmer

Rabbits
They’re fast, like beavers with the teeth, but they always shave down the nug bad, sometimes just annihilating it all together.

 

 

 

 

 

About Chris Durant

Chris Durant has worked at not working for decades. He's the publisher of Savage Henry Magazine.

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