Niall “CornBread” Kelly, contributor
On average, I fall in love with around 4 women a day; my heart tends to get broken just as frequently. To love and forget is a virtue, a virtue that I practice as often as I can. Sometimes, I just want to show my feelings right there on the spot, but the words just won’t come out of my mouth. So, I have written some short “missed connection” style letters to the the women I fell in love with on my walk to the Plaza today, in hopes of my true love finally revealing herself.
Cute girl walking her dog by the college on Saturday: I saw you walking your dog and I thought, “That’s a woman with a dog, I must be in love.” Hoping you felt the same way when you noticed my awkward walking, slouched shoulders, and short eye contact. Coffee sometime?
Semi-attractive mother driving a soccer van full of screaming children on H st. Saturday: I saw you driving that van full of kids and I thought, “That is a woman driving around a van full of kids, I must be in love.” Hoping you felt the same way when you noticed me freestyle rapping, smoking a blunt, and drinking from a 40oz bottle in a paper bag outside the liquor store. Drinks sometime?
Grimacing woman making sandwiches angrily at the grocery store on Saturday: I saw you messing up sandwich orders and getting mad at the customers and I thought “That is a woman who hates people and doesn’t enjoy her job, I must be in love.” Hoping you felt the same way when you noticed me return my incorrect tuna sandwich order by opening it on the counter and throwing it at you. Lunch sometime?
Absolutely gorgeous pseudo-pirate woman with blonde dreadlocks sitting next to crusty guy on the plaza corner Saturday: I saw you asking normal people for their leftovers as they left that nice restaurant while your boyfriend was nodding off from heroin next to you and I thought, “That is a woman with really gross underwear and dreadlocks in her pubes, I must be in love.” Hoping you felt the same way when you noticed me not giving you food or change, and laughing maniacally as I walked away. Sex sometime?
Maybe, with a little luck, these letters will reach their intended audience. Because we all deserve a little love, if only for a few seconds from a guy who falls in love 4 times a day.