An Article Only About Pot And Marijuana And Nothing Else At All

Tiffany Greysen, contributor

 

In this article I’m going to talk about smoking pot and getting high with blunts and bongs.

 

Dear Gentle Reader,

 

Now that we’ve gotten past my editors, I want to discuss something that’s close to my heart. I want to talk about theme ideas that I’ve submitted to my beloved Savage Henry editors that were rejected. I want to point out that my submissions weren’t just sent late one night on some heartbroken-Adderall binge, but spread out over three years. I don’t want to say that it’s a conspiracy against me; however… I think it’s a conspiracy against me.

 

My perfectly good, yet rejected, theme ideas included:

 

Black and White

Also, suggested was Black and Blue, which would work for police brutality which seems to be forever relevant, also it would match THE BRUISE THAT IS ON MY HEART.

 

Shame

I’m going to talk about Game of Thrones for a moment. If you haven’t watched it yet, please skip to directly below to Better Bible Verses. At the time I suggested this theme, it would have been perfect for the season finally when Cersei took her naked lady shame-walk. Seriously though, she looked amazing, but we don’t body shame shame shame here.

 

Better Bible Verses

Asses to asses bust to bust. The options are endless.

 

Seven Deadly Sins

In all fairness, I think this has already been done.

 

To Be Continued

This idea (mine) is so clever. This allows the writer (me) to get a second chance to expand on any article where they (I) had more material than space from a previous issue where the writer (I) had more hilarity to share.

 

Part Deux

Same concept as To Be Continued, but I thought they would take me more seriously if it was in French.

 

Safeway Monopoly Tickets

I actually never submitted this one, but I will rally for it in the near future.

 

Procrastination

Based on the subject alone, I get why there is resistance, Monica.* But what if there was a recurring column called Procrastination Penalization and every month S.H. would “spotlight” a different writer who missed the deadline from the previous month, so in each issue there would be one article with the previous month’s theme. Someone please sponsor my idea.

 

X Marks The Spot

This I thought this was brilliant. It could be about an ex, or an X, for like a treasure map or a map to the clitoris.

 

Public Service Announcements (PSA)

This might be a repeat. This was not intentionally listed right after the clitoris map idea.

 

Advertising

 

Dead celebrities

 

TV

 

Nice Things

 

College

 

Anonymous

 

Bitter Baggage

 

Inventions

 

The human body

 

Time

 

Rejected Theme Ideas

 

Although my ideas haven’t been used, I still think my editors Chris and Sarah have been pretty fucking great to me.

 

*Monica’s real name is Monica —also a great person.

 

Ed note – If you’d like to see one Tiffany’s ideas turned into a them for a future issue (though some of her ideas listed here are already on the board) , e-mail editor@savagahenrymagazine.com and we’ll consider it. Thanks!

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