Dutch Savage

Dutch Savage is a very private person.

Body Count – Manslaughter (Album of the Month)

The heavy metal band fronted by Ice “motherfuckin” T is back on the rock scene and in a big “motherfuckin” way.   The lead off track, “Talk Shit, Get Shot” is as catchy as it is heavy, with Ice yelling about a “motherfucker (who) hadn’t got shot in a while,” for acting “hard motherfucker.” From there we learn to “Pray …

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Shit I Wish Was Extinct

1. Shit. 2. My ex. 3. My tinct. 4. The fart I just lit. 5. Money. No, not really. 6. Bacon worship. 7. Epic hipster moustache bullshit. 8. The word “Epic” as it no longer means anything. 9. That dude that pissed me off earlier. 10. The other guy I fucking hate. 11. Hate. 12. This. Is. The. Worst. Use. …

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13 reasons that Jason will kill you

It’s Friday the 13th. You’re not dead. You were not drinking responsibly. You were trying to score and forgot that Jason is a goalie. For talking about his mom. He’s a muthafuckin’… Cop Killer!!!!!!!! He didn’t mean to. He told a really funny joke about Freddy and you died laughing. He didn’t appreciate it when you told him to “go …

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Letter From A. Broad: On The Pot

My dear Myrtle: Sometimes I have pipe dreams, but usually I have bong dreams. One bong dream had me opening up a mayonnaise and mustard shop on the moon and calling it STORE IN A COOL PLACE.  “Does anyone have an extra terrestrial I can borrow?” Everyone was eating unicorn on the cob and pancakes sold like hot cakes. If …

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The Uncovered Prophecies of Nostrildumbass

Nostrildumbass was a philosopher and dude from a long time ago. His wisdom and so-called “pre-dick shuns” have captivated the minds of many crazy people looking to rework and bullshit up his words into deeper meanings in order to make their own lives have more meaning, not unlike the Christians and their Bible. Recently an early manuscript was found by …

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If I had my way…

… I’d sing it like Sid Vicious. … “Boneless chicken” would have to be called “impotent chicken,” because that is more polite. … Vegans can’t kill ants. … Every year Wrestlemania would have a “Match Made in Heaven,” featuring two recently deceased wrestlers. … Mail slots are now called fe-mail slots, for postal equality and other obvious reasons. … There …

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A Letter From A. Broad (Get off your dead ass!)

Dear Myrtle, I hope this letter finds you (in a rut). If you really like Journey so much I suggest that you take a long walk somewhere far far away all by yourself and figure your shit out. Don’t stop believing that. My time away from suck-ciety has been everything you can’t imagine it to be. Last week in the …

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Atarivisited

Last night I had a dream that I was in a bowling alley called Klonopins. It was long and awesome (that’s what she said). Just past the greasy shoe jerk castaway on the median island of aerosol and ugly elf shoes was the kid’s version of the elder’s bar, the video game arcade. I eagerly entered like a Mormon with …

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I Don’t Buy It

The dollar bill contains many mysterious symbols which originate from who the fuck cares. Conspiracy theorists and nutballs alike have tried to decipher the deeper meanings of the imagery for years, citing the illuminati’s new world order, mind control, and reptilian alien bigfoot bullshit as the real reasons for the squiggly lines and eyeball pyramid crap that we all might …

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What if Bugs Bunny Did Take That Left Turn at Albuquerque?

Warner Brother’s favorite son, Bugs Bunny, turned 73 last month. During my most recent mental episode I caught up with Bugs and asked him if he had any regrets looking back on his long and colorful life. Bugs was very animated and he kept saying “I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque” over and over and over …

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