Zack Newkirk

hey-ohhhhhhhhhhh!

Savage Henry Top 4

Oh yeah, baby. Time for that top four! Let’s count down, and I know you know the words! Haha. Ok, here we go: 4: Joseph Stalin Hitler gets all the press, but what about this guy? Better mustache, better ding-a-ling from what I’ve heard! Haha! YEAH. And HEYELLL YEAAA he loved Satan, too! DOUBLE-DOWN!! 3: Joseph Stalin Hey, how did …

Read More »

How to Talk to Your Kids About Their Dead Pets

The death of a childhood pet isn’t just a rite of passage; experts now say the experience may help prepare children for the inevitable passing of you, their parent, which will come sooner than you think. Here are a few ways to help your kids understand what happened to Fluffy and Rover: * Be frank with your children. Instead of …

Read More »

Mmm, Sex – Op-Ed

(Editor’s note: every so often, we let one of our editors speak his [or her!] mind in our hallowed pages. This month, it’s the trusted opinion of our Man of Letters, Zack Newkirk) Oh yeah, baby. You guys like the sex? Yeah, me too. So good! I have two kids, so I have to have had sex at least twice, …

Read More »

Top 6 Papa John’s Mysteries Books So Far

Reading is down, according to polls, but that hasn’t stopped Papa John, the guy from pizza, from writing and publishing over 50 books in his Papa John’s Mysteries series so far. I’m proud to say I’ve read them all, and I’ve rated my favorite six of those books here. 6) The Case of the Missing Tiger This one’s pretty good. …

Read More »

The Savage Henry Guide to the 2015-2016 NHL Season

The NHL season is underway, and that means that all of the several thousand fans of hockey in the United States are excited. But did you know that there is another country north of us, and it’s called Canada, and all of the people there love hockey? To appease our readers in the Great White North, here follows a rundown …

Read More »

If I Was Your Boyfriend

Justin Bieber, contributor (as sung to Zack Newkirk, staff) If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go. I can take you places you ain’t never been before. Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know. I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow. Swag, swag, swag, on you. Chillin’ by the fire while …

Read More »

Rappers’ Real Names

It’s often surprising to hear a rapper’s real name contrasted with his or her stage name. Snoop Doggy Dogg is really named Calvin Broadus, for instance. Wow. Wow. Here are some more real, given birth names of some famous rappers. You might be shocked: Ice Cube — Real name: O’Shea Jackson. Wow. Dr. Dre — Real name: Andre Young. Are …

Read More »

“Dang I Was Late” an Essay from the Millennials

Dang. I popped up onto my single-gear, threw my messenger bag over my shoulder, started skedaddling. Like a Vine, six secs later, I was moving. Dang. I had to make it by opening. I had to, dang it. I shriddled down the lane; my beard was a Facebook avatar rainbow flag, flapping in the wind. I wouldn’t miss another cultural …

Read More »

David Lee Roth’s Tips for Success

Van Halen vocalist David Lee Roth has lived quite the life. He’s had ups and downs, highs and lows, but all in all, his has been a life filled with success, whether as a singer, an actor, an author, or a celebrity. Recently Diamond Dave sat down with Savage Henry to talk about some of his keys to a successful …

Read More »

2015 NBA Draft Recap

Wow, what a draft. There were some picks we expected, and then there were some surprises, too. Here’s some analysis: 1) Karl-Anthony Towns, Minnesota Timberwolves What can you say about this guy that hasn’t been said? Skilled defensive player, archetypal size for a player who projects to be a Kevin Garnett-like stretch 4 some day, and he can fit 2 …

Read More »