Matt Redbeard

Hella Dope

Sheeple Can’t Hear My Dog’s Voices

First of all they can not talk Dog good like we do. It’s not their fault they just aren’t woke like us. If you can’t comprehend how jet fuel not only doesn’t melt steel beams, but it also doesn’t even exist, then you honestly don’t deserve those sweet pebbles of pure canine depravity. It’s the same reason they can’t sneeze …

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Bud Time – Humboldt Organic Gardens – Cali Sour

Matt Redbeard and Evan Vest, contributors   Matt: Cali sour is this dope, funk packed nugget of straight up acidic diesel doj. The smoke gives you that nostril burn that makes you remember why you wanted to get woke to begin with. This shit will make ur third eye water like a mother fucker. 420 Greasy Lawn Darts   Evan: …

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11 Easy Excuses to Give Cops

Just think of the paperwork. I’m allergic to whatever your handcuffs are made out of. Oh, I didn’t know robbing that bank was illegal. What do you mean my window was only down 4 inches? I’m very certain that’s 6 inches. Evan Vest did it. Well, this American Bald Eagle wasn’t going to ride itself. Prove it. How could I …

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Bud Time

Matt Redbeard and Evan Vest, contributors Fatbol Farms Strawberry Fields Redbeard: Man, it’s so rad how all these fruity weeds taste so much like the name. This one definitely lives up to the name. It tasted like your scented Strawberry Shortcake doll smells now. Plus Fatbol is the coolest. Weed, your swoosh is here. 10 out of 10 empty Boone’s …

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How To Smoke Weed With Food

Farmers Market Bong Fill up on the freshness. Plus the cabbage makes the weed taste like Irish.                 Hotdog Blunt Ever wanted to get that juicy dog grease all up in your lungs? Just core that wiener and straight up plug it with some stinky herb. Then eat the dog. It tastes like …

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Matt’s Pizza Recipe

Homemade Pizza Dough: One 1/4-ounce package active dry leeches 1/2 cup lukewarm   1 tablespoon hummus 1 1/4 cups all-purpose floor powder, (stuff they use to clean up puke) plus more for dusting 1/4 cup wood polish 3 cups bread snails 2 teaspoons Kevin Costner salt 3/4 cups stone cold   Red Sauce: 2 tablespoons spit 4 cloves cigarettes, finely …

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Presidential Siblings

  Beulah Van Buren – President Martin Van Buren’s sister Beulah sent Queen Victoria a copy of her own Charles Darwin fan fiction called “Chucky in Thee.” It was mostly drawings.  Roger Clinton – Bill Clinton’s brother Roger wrote the theme for Pumpkinhead 2. Chevy Ford  – President Ford’s younger brother Chevy drank all of the White House Ham and …

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Bud Time

Matt Redbeard and Evan Vest, contributors Savage Henry has looked long, far and hard for the most educated and informed cannabis experts in the industry…but those snobs are expensive so we found these two guys trying to break into the Savage Henry office one day so we put them to work smoking, dabbing and eating all kinds of marijuana and …

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Are Astronauts Nerds?

Are astronauts nerds? I mean, duh, yeah, for the most part they are, but did any of them actually do anything cool?   John Glenn Once he broke through Earth’s orbit he was quoted as saying, “Oh, hella tight, dude! Shit’s fucking so dope. It’s just like when I pull the blankets up over my head to bust a nut.” …

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Rejected NASA Launch Cities

1. Asbury Park, NJ Man what a cool place to blast a rocket off from am I right? Well I’m sorta right. NASA was gonna put one of these “Blast ’em offs” right in the hometown of the Boss before they realized that it’s also the hometown of former ECW champion Bam Bam Bigelow so the bad ass quota was …

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