Sarah Godlin

Sarah Godlin, one of the creators of Savage Henry, lives in the heart of Humboldt County, California. She has a bit of a Napoleon Complex, but all in all is a hell of a gal. She's responsible for the fold-in's, Catty Mean Girl, the Monthly Confessions, The parental Warning, many features and a grip of the other funny that make Savage Henry so great. She also wrangles writers. If you think you're a funny writer, get a hold of her. She can loud whistle, play harmonica and back a trailer into a tight space. She's a lefty and a Clippers fan. She's also a Raiders fan but don't hold that against her, she enjoys winning just as much as the next person. You can follow her on Twitter! twitter.com/bloglin You can send her emails! godlin@savagehenrymagazine.com You can send her presents! http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f2aa/ 791 8th Street, Suite 5 Arcata, Ca 95521

Restaurant Review: Your Grandmother’s house

I didn’t want to write this review. Old people, frankly, creep me the shit out. They are what I know I will become after my looks, which is basically all I have skill-wise, fail me. I will look worse than your grandmother, even, because I spend so much time in the sun increasing the width and number of my moles …

Read More »

History of the Ridiculous-Wheel Bike

This eyesore is known as the penny-farthing bicycle. It is called that because the folks of London would flick coins at the head, neck and chest area of the riders in an attempt to get them to “get the hell down from there” and “stop being so ridiculous.” As you can see, there is little to no innovation in the …

Read More »

Cocktail School

Science Displacement: Wherever ice is, whiskey isn’t. Poetry: The Haiku The chick with the boobs gets served before you always. Kill her in the john. Math: Joey has 11 dollars, no friends, and no vagina. How many beers can he have at the bar? Joey can have 2 lonely, lonely beers. I hope he chokes on them. History: I haa… …

Read More »

Restaurant review: Pho Hoang

I didn’t see a chopstick until I was 12. I knew about “Chinese food;” you know… eggrolls, uhhh soy sauce? But Asian food was not really a “thing” in the middle of the weird Central Valley Unless you visited the big city. That’s right, Fresno probably had some Asian food but I wouldn’t have known. The sparkly lights of that …

Read More »

The History of Shrimp Cocktail

The shrimp cocktail was invented in a bar on Boston Harbor in 1941. It was first prepared as a drunken “let’s put gross shit together in a glass and dare people to drink it” concoction with shrimp, ketchup, and vodka, but it proved to be delicious while hammered. The vodka was taken out because too many shrimp were ending up …

Read More »

Leave a Message at the Bong

When I was in high school I had a handful of worthless buddies and a GMC Jimmy. My worthless buddies were worthless partially because they were total stoners and partially because they needed ME to cart them around so they could do their bong-smoking in places like: a) a walnut orchard b) Caesar’s house because his uncle didn’t care c) an …

Read More »

How Dabs Work

Dabs are small bits of something that you ingest some way. Yeah! If you do dabs, one of the side effects is that you get really serious when someone makes fun of them. Your dad smokes cruddy weed out of old papers that are balled up in a sock in your parents garage. He lights his joint with matches from …

Read More »

Restaurant Review: Alice’s Steak and Sushi, but higher

Reasons I keep a weed plant on my back deck 1/3 to give out-of-towners the “Humboldt Experience” when they come to visit. 1/6 for juicing the CBDs out of the leaves. The rest: The joy of seeing my mother pretend like nothing’s wrong when she’s absolutely incensed at the blatant lawbreaking in my yard. The deck plant was done. It …

Read More »

The History of the Nickel

The nickel is one of our heftier coins. Why, then, is it worth less than it’s smaller, older brother the dime? Great question, Brian. The United States 5 cent coin is made out of 25% nickel and 75% White man shame. In the 1800s there was a program to replace the shame with wood, but the partly wooden nickel was …

Read More »

Restaurant Review: My Kitchen

Gaining weight like a man when you’re a man is manly. Gaining weight like a man when you are a short 30-year-old woman is depressing. My tramp stamp was frowning.That’s no good. So I cut out the sugar and saved my ass from being swallowed by my muffin top. I have uttered the phrase “I’d rather be dead than live …

Read More »