Savage Henry

This SHITs for Reels – Technology Edition

Michel Sargent, contributor “Something’s not in orbit in this capital of the galaxy” says the gun-toting revolutionary Lemmy Caution upon entering Alphaville (1965). This French New Wave technocracy is run by a narrating supercomputer that decreed showing emotion gets you the death squad over a swimming pool with synchronized swimming. Blow that shit up! Filmed in Robo-Monstervision (Super-8!), Automatons (2006) …

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Cool Ghouls – Animal Races

CeeCee Hill, contributor Cool Ghouls is a band of young kids (everybody looks young at my age) from San Francisco. Their third full-length release is called Animal Races and will be available August 19 with awesome artwork by Shannon Shaw (Shannon and The Clams). Animal Races is packed with psychedelia, surf and garage music. Cool Ghouls make timeless rock’n’roll keeping …

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Puro Instinct – Autodrama

Andrea Bartunek, contributor Do you want to feel like you’re in the 80s? Then listen to this album. Sisters, Piper and Skylar of Puro Instinct have had a humble beginning in LA where most people’s dreams go to die. I think I would like their LP Autodrama more if I was eating molly on a dance floor and transported through …

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Dinosaur Jr. – Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not

Adam Jacobs, contributor Lots of feedback and heavy distortion, the new Dinosaur Jr. album Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not, is more Dinosaur Jr. than singer J Mascis’ tiny little Dino Junior in his tighty whiteys. Listening to this takes me back to taking bong hits out of my Tobacco Master in my friend’s garage while listening to “Feel …

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Help on the Way

William Toblerone, contributor Dear Savage Henry Tech Support, Hi friends!  I adore your magazine; especially the articles with a bunch of swear words. I would really like to check out the material on savagehenrymagazine.com. However, when I try to log on to your website, I am redirected to a site that provides tour information for Clay Aiken. I tried to …

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My Mom Is a Phone Zombie but It’s Not All Bad

Ruth Godlin Sullivan (11), contributor Whenever my mom is looking at pictures of her new favorite actors; T.J Miller, Kate McKinnon or other old people, I know she will be glued to her screen for hours. Like a zombie. But with her eyeball drying addiction, there come advantages. #1- Stealing Candy Usually we have some really frozen marshmallows or even …

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This SHITS for Reels – Money Edition

Mike Sargent, staff Jimmy Durante’s dying words after flying off a cliff sets forth teams of today’s leading comic actors and comedians in a hilarious race to find a wealth of cash buried in a park and It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963). Airplane! (1980) stole a lot of visual gags from this film! This romantic fast-talking witty …

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How to Show Him on Your First Date that You are a Strong Successful Stay-at-Home Ex-Wife and You are Not the Type Who Will Not Put up With Just any Engagement Ring

Tiffany Greysen, contributor It’s 2016 and the “Blood Diamond” weeping-heart crusade is finally fucking over. The time is here when we can finally call a spade a spade and a Diamondoid a Diamondoid. You are a strong, smart, brave feminist and you have learned to set boundaries. You no longer need your first ex-husband’s money; your parents (mostly) don’t support …

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Embezzling: America’s Greatest Pastime

Bruce Lynch, contributor Are you a criminal scumbag? Have found it difficult to generate wealth from the seedy underbelly of society? Ever think about playing it straight and getting a white collar job? Stop being an asshole! If you want to move up in the world you don’t have to land a white collar job, you just have to be …

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Escaping the Squalor of the 99%

William Toblerone, contributor Folks, the road to extreme wealth is all about trial and error. You have to persist. In my first attempt, I followed an ad that caught my eye while reading an Internet site about how to do sex better. The ad promised that I could get rich working at home for only 30 MINUTES A DAY!!!. That …

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