Savage Henry

Arcata Missed Connection

Niall “CornBread” Kelly, contributor   On average, I fall in love with around 4 women a day; my heart tends to get broken just as frequently. To love and forget is a virtue, a virtue that I practice as often as I can. Sometimes, I just want to show my feelings right there on the spot, but the words just …

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Valentine’s Day Cards from an Anonymous Neighbor

  Mike Spiegelman, contributor Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No, but your car is blocking the driveway again. Happy Valentine’s Day.   Dear Neighbor, Roses are red, Violets are blue, People remove lint from the dryer after doing laundry, And so should you.   Be my Valentine, Neighbor? You can start by picking up after your dog. …

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Citizens Of Flavortown

Dave Losso, contributor   Heed our words. No longer will mashed potatoes not be “out of control;” no longer will a quesadilla not be “off the chain.” There are no chains, there are no masters. Vegetables will give you diarrhea and sunglasses belong in the back. Your corrupt FDA has come for your rightful donkey sauce but we swarm like …

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Web Letter

Savage Henry is epic. Hands down my favorite magazine, and I don’t even read magazines! If I send you guys 35 dollars or something like that could you mail a monthly copy to my apartment?   Sincerely, a musician   Ed note – Thanks A. Musician, we offer subscriptions for $50 a year! Thanks!

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Roccos Political Cartoons #2

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor   This one is a throwback, but it’s just too good of an idea to leave on the cutting room floor of my brain. Again, I am not an artist, so you’re going to have to just imagine this, but trust me, it’ll unleash a heaping helping of chuckles.   So it says 2010 on the first …

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Roccos Political Cartoons #1

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor   So there’s a big white house and there’s someone talking inside and saying something like, “But sir, you can’t blow them up, so many people will die!” and then the next panel is a little closer to a similar building and a different color text (because it’s a completely different guy talking) says, “Who cares! We’re …

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Bud Time: Space Gem Edibles

  Matt Redbeard and Evan Vest, contributors   Space Gem Edibles   Redbeard: Space Gems are an edible experience that’s beyond spacey, fun, and most importantly, delicious. Just like the eater, Matt Redbeard. Rating: 420 Neil Armstrong and The Holograms   Evan: Consistently my favorite-looking booth at any Cup or Event, Space Gem Candy is a local Humboldt operation that …

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List Of Accomplishments: 2017

Jason Melton, contributor   Learned basics of video editing Got high score on every arcade game at Pizza Hut Learned to read Tarot cards, successfully predicted 3 celebrity deaths  Took up judo–after about a week, I bested my sensei, breaking his ribs. Dojo put my picture up in the place of his Got Bill Gates to name his yacht after …

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The Least Significant Awards of All Time

Gage Hensley, contributor   Awards are given to honor people’s achievements and express how much society appreciates the time and effort individuals have given to make a change. Unfortunately, not all praise is necessary. Here below are a few examples of acknowledgment being taken too far. The “I’m Vegan and Better Than Everyone” Award:  This award is given to anyone …

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Savage Henry’s Sexiest Dead Guys

Chaz Logan Hyde, contributor   Being sexy isn’t easy. I don’t think anyone ever said it was, and if they did, they’re an asshole.  But it’s even harder to be sexy if you’re dead. Here’s a collection of some of our drop dead sexiest, that very well could still be strutting their stuff in the upside down.   Hunter S. …

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