Savage Henry

Do You Have Any Brothers or Sisters?

And Nine Other Lead-In Questions to Get Kids to Reveal Their Family’s Dirty Secrets Tiffany Greysen, contributor   Because people are people, we can’t help ourselves. We are nosy and want to know what the Joneses are up to. Here are a few questions you can ask unsuspecting kids to get them to air their family’s dirty, dirty underwear. Kids …

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New Names for Stuff

Zeke Herrera, staff   I don’t know about you guys but I’m sick of all these goddamn words. How am I supposed to remember all of them? I’ve decided that I never will. So here’s some stuff I renamed to help me out. Feel free to let me know which ones you like and we’ll get a petition started to …

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How to Maximize Your Carnival Experience

Evan Vest, contributor   It’s county fair season, and there’s no better way to make summer memories than riding puke machines assembled by disgruntled carnies. Since you’ve made the choice to die, why not end your journey with these fun carnival tips?!!   Before you take your seat on the Zipper, look the ride carnie in the face and say, …

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How to Tell if Your Brothers are Cooler than You

Evan Vest, contributor   The role of Older Brother comes with many responsibilities, Providing a good role model, lending a helpful ear and accepting cash to buy the younger kids 40s are all integral to being the older sibling in a family. Having grown up being the oldest of three brothers, I’ve also learned one thing about being a “big …

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Bubba Shot the Jukebox

Mike Hawkburn, contributor   On September 11th 1992, 9 years before 9/11, Country music star Mark Chesnutt released the now well known hit single “Bubba Shot the Jukebox.” The song that reached #4 on Country Music Charts tells the story of how Bubba gets angry at a sad song that “made him cry,” so naturally he shoots the jukebox with …

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Let Me Tell You Something, Brother

Paul Danke, contributor   Hey gang, Paul Danke here: comedian, father, guy banned from Hey Juan Burritos. You know me and trust me and I don’t mean to spoil everyone’s fun here, but anyone calling you “brothers and sisters” is trying to sell you something.   Oh sure, they may seem “nice” or even like a vast improvement on your …

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Television: The Only Family You Really Need

Zeke Herrera, staff   I was an only child for seven years of my life. When my brother died my parents waited that long before having another child… jk, I’m just the oldest but my parents weren’t around a lot. So for seven years it was just me and TV. Despite the fact that I’m doing comedy for a living …

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Where Are The Bradys Now

Staff, (mostly Mike Spiegelman and Robert Berry)   Those 6 little rapscallions from the the ‘70s show The Brady Bunch eventually grew up. Ever wonder what professions they chose to get into?   Greg: He dabbled in porn for a bit before finally joining the Ted Talk circuits with a presentation about incest tolerance.   Marsha: After a failed modeling …

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Josh’s Diary

Dec. 31, 1999 Josh Barnes, contributor   I had been tasked with saving the US again. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be my last. It was, however, one of my favorite times. I landed in Rokko Island (Japan) and was greeted by 14 ninjas, and they all had weapons. I wasn’t unarmed; I had my weapons too: …

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Sex Talk with Zeke: Ep. 2

Zeke Herrera, staff   Sex Talk is an article where you write in and I answer all your pervy questions.   Sanjay R. from Orlando, FL writes: Hey Zeke, longtime reader, first-time writer. Anyway, I was wondering how much foot sex is too much foot sex? In the beginning I wasn’t worried about it but now I don’t even remember …

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