Savage Henry

Lando’s List

Tommy Lucero, contributor Lando’s List is your go-to source for help wanted, for sale, personal, and community listings.   Wookiee Breeder: No experience needed, just a strong grip on the desire to further the existence of a noble race of fur-laden folk. Willing to relocate a plus, willingness to follow through and finish tasks set before you even more of …

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Interviews with People Who Haven’t Seen Star Wars

Mark Manning, contributor The resurgence of Star Wars fandom kindled curiosity within me. As the pressure to be a part of the hype intensified, the few who had not even seen the original Star Wars trilogy became exposed. I talked to outed friends about how they’ve avoided seeing any of the movies (or worse – forgotten if they had even …

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Suggested Titles for Star Wars Episode 8

Hans Yolo Attack of the Clones 2 Darth Tittyflops Takes Manhattan BB- 8 Is Enough Fuck All You Nerds, The Rise of Jar Jar don’t say Electric Boogaloo….don’t say Electric Boogaloo….don’t say Electric Boogaloo…. Minions 2 The Hateful Episode 8 Yoda! MTV Raps Rey of Light Finn to the Wind Kylo Ren and Stimpy The First Order Spring Break Orgy …

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Tofurky or Tofuckyou?

Tiffany Greysen, contributor On October 13, 2015 I decided to take a swing at eating vegan. Not because I was going to give up my new purse — I really love my leather purse— it’s really nice and still has that new purse smell. I also like shoes, and make-up. I know that some make-up is made from clubbed baby …

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Door-to-Door Meatman

Scott Bowser, contributor Meat tastes great.  Be careful, though. I was once a door-to-door meat salesman and it sucked. I showed up to headquarters the first day but I smelled like beer and got sent home.  Also the manager told me to make sure I was wearing shorts the next day when I showed up to work or I would …

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This SHITs for Reels – Meat Edition

Michel Sargent, Staff Opening shot: A knife slices a huge slab of meat to the sound of an institutionalized man screaming about The Mad Butcher (1971) (aka Meat is Meat). Story: Just de-booby-hatched smug self-proclaimed “best butcher” in town finds great way to dispose of human bodies, makes a killing with his new sausage cart. A sexless couple are running …

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A Carnivore’s First Experience with Vegetarian Meats

Ever since I told my doctor to shove a veggie dog up his ass for suggesting I eat less red meat, I’ve felt a little bad — and it’s not just the constant gastric pain and the screwed-up gallbladder, either. So I went to my local hot dog establishment, a place known for cooking the finest tube steak in town. …

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Goodman – Honey and Wine

Andrea Bartunek, contributor Honey and Wine by Goodman is a perfect stony Sunday afternoon of an album. The short intro, probably stolen from an old jazz album titled “A Goodman,” pulls you in and you’re like, “What?” Then it’s chill from there. This trippy instrumental record is great driving music, and also lovely for eating nachos while alone. You should …

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Meat, My Only True Friend – A Love Letter

Adam Jacobs, contributor I’m no scientist, but if the old rumor that John Wayne died with over 40 pounds of undigested meat impacted in his bowels was true then that must mean meat was his best friend, ‘cause it never left his side. Wow, man, that’s some deep shit, literally. That meat poo was John Wayne’s only true friend and …

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