Savage Henry

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart – Hell EP

Sam Greenspan, contributor This all-too-brief and incredibly bracing shot of audible absinthe from The Pains of Being Pure at Heart successfully accomplishes what most musicians could only hope to have their EPs do: leave you wanting more and more. The first song and title track is replete with nods to their influences from Prince’s seemingly effortless hooks, with a poetic …

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Lando’s List

Tommy Lucero, contributor Lando’s List is your go-to source for help wanted, for sale, personal, and community listings.   Wookiee Breeder: No experience needed, just a strong grip on the desire to further the existence of a noble race of fur-laden folk. Willing to relocate a plus, willingness to follow through and finish tasks set before you even more of …

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Interviews with People Who Haven’t Seen Star Wars

Mark Manning, contributor The resurgence of Star Wars fandom kindled curiosity within me. As the pressure to be a part of the hype intensified, the few who had not even seen the original Star Wars trilogy became exposed. I talked to outed friends about how they’ve avoided seeing any of the movies (or worse – forgotten if they had even …

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Suggested Titles for Star Wars Episode 8

Hans Yolo Attack of the Clones 2 Darth Tittyflops Takes Manhattan BB- 8 Is Enough Fuck All You Nerds, The Rise of Jar Jar don’t say Electric Boogaloo….don’t say Electric Boogaloo….don’t say Electric Boogaloo…. Minions 2 The Hateful Episode 8 Yoda! MTV Raps Rey of Light Finn to the Wind Kylo Ren and Stimpy The First Order Spring Break Orgy …

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Tofurky or Tofuckyou?

Tiffany Greysen, contributor On October 13, 2015 I decided to take a swing at eating vegan. Not because I was going to give up my new purse — I really love my leather purse— it’s really nice and still has that new purse smell. I also like shoes, and make-up. I know that some make-up is made from clubbed baby …

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Door-to-Door Meatman

Scott Bowser, contributor Meat tastes great.  Be careful, though. I was once a door-to-door meat salesman and it sucked. I showed up to headquarters the first day but I smelled like beer and got sent home.  Also the manager told me to make sure I was wearing shorts the next day when I showed up to work or I would …

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This SHITs for Reels – Meat Edition

Michel Sargent, Staff Opening shot: A knife slices a huge slab of meat to the sound of an institutionalized man screaming about The Mad Butcher (1971) (aka Meat is Meat). Story: Just de-booby-hatched smug self-proclaimed “best butcher” in town finds great way to dispose of human bodies, makes a killing with his new sausage cart. A sexless couple are running …

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A Carnivore’s First Experience with Vegetarian Meats

Ever since I told my doctor to shove a veggie dog up his ass for suggesting I eat less red meat, I’ve felt a little bad — and it’s not just the constant gastric pain and the screwed-up gallbladder, either. So I went to my local hot dog establishment, a place known for cooking the finest tube steak in town. …

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