Savage Henry

Witness Protection Program Name Generator

Robert Berry, contributor   Do you have to go into government sanctioned hiding but don’t like the lame-ass name the feds came up for you to use? Just use this handy generator to come up with something way cooler!   FIRST LETTER OF FIRST NAME A Bartleby B Melvin C Shafeeq D Fuckminster E Vulvalia F Sphincterosa G Ted H …

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Album Review: Alex Bloom “Blue Room”

Tiffany Greysen, contributor   “I Don’t Know You Anymore” was my favorite song.   If you love the scene in every rom-com where the two love interests start to fall for each other, feed each other cotton candy, and push each other into the ocean, then this song is for you. It could definitely be the soundtrack to a romantic …

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Secret Admirer Sounds Suspiciously Like Jeff

some dude, contributor   HOBOKEN, NJ – Here in the modern age, with its teeming throngs of Internet trolls, haters, and assorted d-bags, anonymous communication most often reflects the very ugliest impulses of the human spirit. But in the run-up to this year’s Valentine’s Day, one New Jersey resident was honored with an unsigned missive that hearkens back to a …

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The Rejected List of Names for the Anonymous Source “Deep Throat”

Chaz Logan Hyde, contributor   So I’ll put this out there to start — that this could easily become a long and egregious list of dick puns, longer than anyone should have to read to themselves in whatever bar you’re in, or out loud, flying spaghetti monster forbid. But with careful research and keystrokes, I’ll proceed to do my best. …

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Arcata Missed Connection

Niall “CornBread” Kelly, contributor   On average, I fall in love with around 4 women a day; my heart tends to get broken just as frequently. To love and forget is a virtue, a virtue that I practice as often as I can. Sometimes, I just want to show my feelings right there on the spot, but the words just …

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Valentine’s Day Cards from an Anonymous Neighbor

  Mike Spiegelman, contributor Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No, but your car is blocking the driveway again. Happy Valentine’s Day.   Dear Neighbor, Roses are red, Violets are blue, People remove lint from the dryer after doing laundry, And so should you.   Be my Valentine, Neighbor? You can start by picking up after your dog. …

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Citizens Of Flavortown

Dave Losso, contributor   Heed our words. No longer will mashed potatoes not be “out of control;” no longer will a quesadilla not be “off the chain.” There are no chains, there are no masters. Vegetables will give you diarrhea and sunglasses belong in the back. Your corrupt FDA has come for your rightful donkey sauce but we swarm like …

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Web Letter

Savage Henry is epic. Hands down my favorite magazine, and I don’t even read magazines! If I send you guys 35 dollars or something like that could you mail a monthly copy to my apartment?   Sincerely, a musician   Ed note – Thanks A. Musician, we offer subscriptions for $50 a year! Thanks!

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Roccos Political Cartoons #2

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor   This one is a throwback, but it’s just too good of an idea to leave on the cutting room floor of my brain. Again, I am not an artist, so you’re going to have to just imagine this, but trust me, it’ll unleash a heaping helping of chuckles.   So it says 2010 on the first …

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Roccos Political Cartoons #1

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor   So there’s a big white house and there’s someone talking inside and saying something like, “But sir, you can’t blow them up, so many people will die!” and then the next panel is a little closer to a similar building and a different color text (because it’s a completely different guy talking) says, “Who cares! We’re …

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