Savage Henry

PUNK’D and then Some

Spencer DeVine, contributor 6:30 a.m.   PUNK’D – Shamwow guy A Hidden Camera Show similar to Candid Camera, but famous celebrities are the victims. Each week Ashton and his crew of pranksters play a joke on celebrities such as Justin Timberlake and Frankie Muniz. This week Ashton pulls an elaborate prank on Vince Offer, the infamous personality behind the Shamwow. Someone …

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Chaos U.K. is Gonna Be O.K.

William Toblerone, contributor Back long ago, and I mean way back when gasoline still had to be refrigerated, I went through my punk phase to defy all of the fascist, nurturing, supportive adults that were oppressing me with unconditional love. One of the frequent flyers on my tape deck was Chaos U.K., a raw band that summed up my angst …

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What’s Your Punk Funk?

Adam Jacobs, contributor Every type of punk has a distinct smell, an odor that defines who they are. I’ve traversed the depths of the punk world using only my nose and some hand sanitizer to finally figure out: what is that smell? From Steampunks to Gutter Punks, I’ve smelled the hottest of garbage and that’s just their crusty-ass Dr. Martens. …

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(Products) For the Punx

Keith D, contributor If there’s one thing punks hate it’s capitalism. Perhaps it’s because advertisers don’t know how to market to them. Doc Marten has taught us that punks are consumers too. So at the risk of being labeled a ‘sellout’ and cast out of the mosh pit, I’m pitching marketing campaigns for the forgotten demographic. Product: 40 Oz. Coozie …

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Famous Punk Rockers Review the Billboard Pop Charts

Joe Ramone reviews FourFiveSeconds by Kanye and Rihanna and Paul McCartney Sounds like that time Dee Dee shit himself onstage in Tokyo and we called him GiGi for the rest of the tour. Greg Graffin reviews Earned It by The Weeknd If you listen close you can hear the geo social political implications in verse two, which adds to the …

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Iron & Wine – Archives Series No. 1

Michael Morales, contributor Do you remember back when Iron & Wine first blew up in the early aughts? Yeah, suddenly dudes were able to say, “I was wondering where that missing leg of one of my chromosomes went? Oh, thanks, Sam Beam!” That being said, my inner vagina really likes “Two Hungry Blackbirds” because I think it’s a veiled description of that Brazilian …

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Skip to My Lunch

William Toblerone, contributor It’s widely accepted that doctors are among the most qualified professionals around when it comes to talking about health stuff. Even though they have told us for years that breakfast is the most infuriating meal of the day, people continue to push morning food into their faces. I have learned to avoid it at all costs. I …

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Brunch Calls Out Breakfast: “You Think You’re Fuckin’ Better Than Me?”

By Brunch (ghostwritten by Sam Greenspan, contributor) Okay, Mr. Dietitian’s favorite pet, Mr. I-Get-Up-At-Six-Just-Because-I-Want-To, Mr. Captain fuckin’ America with your whole grain waffles, and your whole grain milk, and your whole grain– you know something? Who gives a shit! Who the fuck eats breakfast!? Oh what’s that, you say? Lots of people and billions more who’d love to eat breakfast …

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Brunch Like a Deal Douche … a Brouchebag!

Adam Jacobs, contributor Brunch used to be just a late lunch, but now brunch has been hi-jacked by bottomless mimosa terrorists, the uber hipster douche. We call them Brunch Douche bags… or The Brouchebag. We can’t lose brunch, it’s too important to curing our hangovers and allowing us to sleep in on the weekends. These tips will help you fit …

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This SHITs for Reels – B-Fast Visuals

Michel Sargent, contributor My all-time favorite breakfast visuals are movie serials; cliffhanging chapter films shown in theatres before the feature back when they still did cool shit like that. A “purple” meteor (spacecraft) falls to Earth from the direction of Mars in The Purple Monster Strikes (1945). A Martian in tights exits the craft with his Distance Eliminator monitor and …

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