Savage Henry

Adolf Hitler is Still Alive (and He Groped Me)

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor   Savage Henry recently went international; as such, contributors were asked to go overseas and collect hard-hitting news stories for a new section in the mag called “Oh No We SHIT Int.” The mag flew me out to Amsterdam first class so that I could do a piece on underground sex dungeons, but what I ended up …

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How to Make Medical Waste Work For You

Lacie Wallace, contributor   Several years ago, I had my wisdom teeth out. When the dentist offered to dispose of them for me, I declined and took those suckers home. But I started to wonder… was there a way to make use of them? How could I ensure they didn’t go to waste? I tried to find a charity to …

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Party In My Head

Scott Bowser, contributor   Since I’ve been in commercials that have appeared on basic cable I’ve become quite the Hollywood elite.  Hours of lounging by pools and brunching have worn me down to a nub when it comes to social gatherings. It’s a little too much. I keep my public appearances to a minimum now. However, the party never stops …

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In Defense of Oscar the Grouch

Kelly Richardson, contributor Oscar the Grouch is your asshole brother. You love him. You hate him. But eventually you realized he is simply an asshole. And OSCAR IS EVERYTHING.   He is honest and upfront. He won’t bullshit you. You know exactly what you are getting. A goddamn Grouch. It’s his species. It’s in his DNA. He gets off on …

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Flat Earther to Release Opinion on Tax Policy

Aaron Pitcher, contributor   HARTFORD, MI – The Internet was abuzz this morning at the Facebook announcement by local Flat Earth model advocate and unemployed punch press operator Clint Fielder that he would soon make an important contribution to the national dialogue and “share with the (flat) world [his] own prespective on pending tax legilsation.” Fielder, 44, whose credentials include …

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Bobby’s Favorite Weirdos

Bobby Benedict, contributor   I’ve come across the archetypes: the conspiracy hobo, diet the Dude, even not-blind-but-also-not-as-good Ray Charles. I try to associate with those weirdos, to understand how far past the fringes the human mind can be taken, but these three I still can’t quite comprehend.   The Alaskan Werewolf Alaska was amazing, even if only for the experience …

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The Pains of Being Pure At Heart – The Echo of Pleasure

The Dirty Bird, Contributor   I heard neither pleasure, nor its echo, while listening to this album.   If you’re nostalgic for the whispering pop-drivel of the ‘80s, this is your band. If Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark and Simple Minds had a baby, and that baby grew up to be Erasure’s more flamboyant cousin who plays fairly decent guitar, …

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Queens of the Stone Age – Villains

Kit Morris, contributor   Opening their third decade, QOTSA just delivered a monument of creativity — ambitious, well crafted songs that are reverent to their pre-Kyuss seeds of inspiration, woven with an unexpectedly fresh modern production and fully realized arrangements that bring every player into focus as never before. Synths are cranked with the guitars, basslines frequently take on a …

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How to Tell If Someone is Weird

Evan Vest, contributor   Everybody is a little weird in their own right, but some definitely stand out more than others! Here are some major tells that let you know you are dealing with a grade-A weirdo.   They have INFOWARS.COM written on their forehead Look out! This guy is advertising his favorite website for free. The weird thing here …

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Good Ol’ Uncle Levi

William Toblerone, contributor   Once again, Uncle Levi pulled out his old yearbook to show us how much potential he once had.  He was an accomplished track star and the president of his senior class. He usually skipped past the page where he was voted “Most Likely to Succeed”, because it saddened him that things didn’t go as planned. One …

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