Savage Henry

Would ______ Help You Survive In The Desert? # 7: A Sizeable** bundle of twigs

+Howdy Ho there neighboring journey men and women, and welcome to yet another edition of “Would ______ Help You Survive In The Desert?” I’m spencer “Haberdashery Jones” DeVine and I will be your comedy sherpa for the remainder of our trip, so high-five yourself, create a sandwich, and get ready to hike. Every week I will choose a random item …

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POG Life

Jon Allen, contributor By the mid-90s, the world around us was in utter chaos: Magic Johnson was battling HIV, Tupac was battling Biggie, AOL was battling Prodigy, our parents were battling each other, and we were battling puberty. Even Michael Jordan had retired from basketball. The world was falling apart, and our heroes had gone to greener pastures. Only MC …

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Bop It! Gone Bad

Zeke Herrera, contributor This weekend my Bop It! was struck by lightning and went haywire. Lucky for you guys a court stenographer was readily available. Here’s what transpired: BI: Bop It! *Lightning Strike* BI: I said bop, not lightning! ZH: Did you just become sentient? BI: Yeah, I think so. ZH: The fact that you can think so kind of …

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Places to Knock Boots in the 90s

Justin Gomes, contributor Hello there, Reader! Take off your ironic leggings and shave off that hipster beard. Let me lead you down a road of nostalgia paved with Space Jam VHS tapes and Tamagotchis. The 90s was a hectic time, the Great American Empire recently traded their Cold War for a nice hot war in the desert. Grunge, Rap and …

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The Cinematic Garbage of the 90s

Michel Sargent, contributor The 1990s were garbage. Bush immediately led us to war and Clinton tried to out(desert)fox us by liquidating his Lewinsky Humidor Inc stock. I spent the 90s learning about the 80s, 70s, 60s etc. and ignored the devolving popular “culture” trying desperately to perpetually remix what’s already done. In the beginning, Aliens created mankind in the shape …

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Savage Henry’s Guide to Posers

Erik Krasner, contributor It’s the 90s, you’re in high school, and everyone’s got one thing on their  mind: posers! Learn who they are, how to spot them, and how to make sure your friends don’t think you’re one of them. Punk posers Favorite bands: Blink-182, Dropkick Murphys, the wrong Ramones songs. What they wear: Patches with clothes under them. Where …

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Single Father in the 90s

Jefferson Mars, contributor The Summer of 1997 was a very different summer for me. While most of my schoolmates were enjoying their time off, enjoying exciting summer movies like Men in Black or My Best Friend’s wedding, I had parental obligations. I decided to step into parenthood. It was completely my own decision. I saw the joy people had on …

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1990s Mash-Ups!

William Toblerone, contributor In response to your letters, I’m getting crafty with my word processor/turntable to bring you some tasty mixes of big events from the 90s. This article be mad pumpin’! The world was astounded by the news of Dolly the Sheep, the first mammal to be cloned from an adult somatic cell! The excitement was met with extreme …

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Can Some Technology Person Please Step Up and Help a Sandwich Artist?

(Originally Published on November 13, 1992) William Toblerone, contributor I have made the ultimate sacrifice for the betterment of my community. I have dedicated myself to ending the rash of unsightly sandwiches plaguing society by dedicating myself to fashioning quality culinary masterworks between the canvases of bread at the Subway gallery. Needless to say, this commitment is seriously encumbering and …

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Knockoff 90s Toys

Zeke Herrera, contributor Pet Animal – These furry creatures were pretty cool but still a Tamagotchi ripoff. They did have a wide variety but only came in analog, not digital, and were much harder to reset after they pooped themselves to death. Earth Boots – Clearly inferior copy of Moon Boots. These boots simulated what it was like to be …

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