Savage Henry

The Wytches – Annabel Dream Reader

Cee Cee Hill, contributor The Wytches are a British band from Brighton formed in 2011 and comprised of Kristian Bell, Dan Rumsey, and Gianni Honey. They play what they ironically call “surf doom.” The mixture of rhythms, complemented by heavy guitar, poetic lyrics and the raucous voice of Kristian, create a gorgeous wall of sound. I suspect that to create …

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Noah Wall Print the Legend

Justin Gomes, contributor “Hey, wanna give me a review of this soundtrack for a documentary about 3D printers?” Jeez, again?! It seems like all I do lately is review soundtracks for documentaries about 3D printers. Some of the tracks have a childlike tone with keyboards and birds chirping, reminiscent of traversing Minecraft and the music of C418. It sounded about …

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The Dodos – Individ

Samantha Gilweit, contributor It takes a lot of balls to start an album with a six-minute song, unless it’s jazz or you’re on LSD, or both. However, the latest album from The Dodos, Individ, not only starts with a six minute track, it’s also worth listening to sober. If The Dodos have learned anything from their previous albums, it’s the …

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Thom Yorke – Tomorrow’s Modern Boxes

Rosa Green, contributor Thom Yorke has just released his second solo album, and he is just so progressive, man. Remember when you could pay what you wanted for Radiohead’s stellar 2007 release In Rainbows? Well now you can pay a measly six bucks to download Tomorrow’s Modern Boxes on BitTorrent. The album is pleasing but not surprising. It’s unobtrusive and …

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Assholes Proven Correct as Death Metal Claims First Victims

Sam Greenspan, contributor In what can only be described as a joyous, monumental week for religious assholes, conservative assholes, fear-mongering assholes,and our general run-of-the-mill outcropping of uninformed assholes who are all allowed to vote, metal music has been directly linked to the deaths of several hundred attendees of an Amon Amarth concert in Austin, TX. While performing what surviving attendee’s …

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5 Things You’re Allowed To Do In a Funeral Parlor

Lucy Castle, contributor I’ve only been to one open-casket viewing, for family and friends, precipitated by the death of my grandpa a few years ago. It was held in a sterile, hushed environment, with fake flowers and pews set up in front of the casket. Here’s what you’re allowed to do while you’re there: Touch the dearly departed– You can …

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Shoechcuker Revelations 20:15

Choada Salinas, contributor Heaven’s gotten way too crowded. I’m sick of these endlessly multiplying sycophants. You can’t imagine how much of a whiny brat Moses is alone, let alone my rotten kid. Their followers – don’t even. The mormons are the worst. I have to give each and every one of them a planet. Seven days each multiplied by however …

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Oops! Got Your Soul

William Toblerone, Contributor Have you ever wondered what happens to us after we expire? Don’t answer that. I can’t actually hear you. It’s an important question because you are deader than you were when you started reading this sentence. In my research, I found the following accounts from fuck-ups who came back to life after being declared dead. Joe Tyler …

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Demolition Derby

Leslie Small, contributor Most people think of a Demolition Derby as a rally of drunken rednecks smashing up cheap cars for slightly cheaper thrills. A tradition so American it’s no wonder the patrons of this spectacular culturefest often don apparel adorned with the American flag in various designs, including, but not limited to, bikinis, sleeveless t-shirts, and booty shorts. It’s …

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