Savage Henry

Top 5 Hottest Toys of 2017

Gage Hensley, contributor                 Kevin Spacey ActIon Figure Denies any allegation that slightly involves him. With Kung-Fu grip that works on anyone who works under him and a button that turns him gay at will.             Mike Pence Toy Roomba Cleans up political messes you create through any …

Read More »

Un-American Letter

You are so UN-AMERICAN. All the sex talk, articles about sex, and referring to sex, is not only bad taste, its unbecoming of people such as yourself. You,obviously are a sperm-donor, not a Daddy. Great! 3 more kids who are not going to succeed at anything and are going to always have their hand out expecting everybody else to to …

Read More »

Letters 2 the Editor, Part 2: Extreme Edition

I am writing to let you know that you have a truly bodacious mag, my dudes. When me and the boys are hang-gliding over various canyons and ravines, we always have a copy of S.H.I.T. on hand to jam to and have a laugh while we soar.   I also love to thumb through the glossy pages of Savage Henry …

Read More »

How to be the Weirdest Person at Your Trim Scene

Leslie Small, contributor   Harvest season is upon us, and we all know what that means — trimmigrants! Meaning people paid to manicure weed into a profitable form in a room together, often for days and weeks on end. You’re probably asking yourself, “How can I be the weirdest person there?” Check out this handy guide below!   – Insist …

Read More »

6 Things I Told My Therapist That Were Totally Uninteresting to Him

Jason Melton, contributor   I told my therapist, “I don’t like getting oil on my hands because once it gets on your hands and you touch a doorknob the oil stays there so once you wash your hands you get the oil right back if you touch the doorknob again.” He said, “What was the thing you were saying right …

Read More »

Adolf Hitler is Still Alive (and He Groped Me)

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor   Savage Henry recently went international; as such, contributors were asked to go overseas and collect hard-hitting news stories for a new section in the mag called “Oh No We SHIT Int.” The mag flew me out to Amsterdam first class so that I could do a piece on underground sex dungeons, but what I ended up …

Read More »

How to Make Medical Waste Work For You

Lacie Wallace, contributor   Several years ago, I had my wisdom teeth out. When the dentist offered to dispose of them for me, I declined and took those suckers home. But I started to wonder… was there a way to make use of them? How could I ensure they didn’t go to waste? I tried to find a charity to …

Read More »

Party In My Head

Scott Bowser, contributor   Since I’ve been in commercials that have appeared on basic cable I’ve become quite the Hollywood elite.  Hours of lounging by pools and brunching have worn me down to a nub when it comes to social gatherings. It’s a little too much. I keep my public appearances to a minimum now. However, the party never stops …

Read More »

In Defense of Oscar the Grouch

Kelly Richardson, contributor Oscar the Grouch is your asshole brother. You love him. You hate him. But eventually you realized he is simply an asshole. And OSCAR IS EVERYTHING.   He is honest and upfront. He won’t bullshit you. You know exactly what you are getting. A goddamn Grouch. It’s his species. It’s in his DNA. He gets off on …

Read More »