Savage Henry

Creepy Toys for Children

Ray Flynn, staff               Teddy Ruxpin – Creepy Mo-Fo that talks and rolls his eyes around. Need I say more?               Furby – Another talking beast with wandering eyes. This one however, is definitely plotting against you. Especially if you have more than one. Howdy Doody – When …

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Where Are They Now? Interview with Slinky

Keith D, contributor   I recently got to catch up with my childhood hero, Slinky. As we all know, Slinky had fallen into some dark times, but during our interview he was lucid, articulate, and downright charming. So without further ado, here is the unedited transcript of our conversation:   KD: Slinky, it’s great to see you, and I must …

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Bud Time – Strain: Hot Berry – Grower: Sunrise Mountain Farms

Matt Redbeard and Evan Vest, contributors           Strain: Hot Berry Grower: Sunrise Mountain Farms   Redbeard: It’s a total mindfuck. You get caught up in this very flavorful bouquet of berries and like, pepper and cheesecake, then you realize that you’re levitating and your third eye is way wide open and hella bloodshot. I’ve never gotten …

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Zombie Bunny

Aaron Pitcher, contributor   HUMBOLDT COUNTY, NV – A whole new means of amusement opened up Tuesday for Union Township resident Michael “Mikey” Rasmussen, Jr., 5, when he discovered that his parents’ glass water pipe, valued at $149.99 from Purple Haze Gift & Boutique, made what in his mind amounts to one sweet ray gun.   The child, described variably …

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White Manna – Bleeding Eyes

Andrea Bartunek, contributor For a band who’s name is also a burger chain in New Jersey, White Manna is rad and not at all greasy. Oh and not to mention, they’re from Humboldt. Although they’re touring the world at the moment like a bunch of badasses, you should try to catch them when they’re back in America. If you’re into …

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METZ – Strange Peace

Chaps Blue Ribbon, contributor   METZ have not lost their taste for smashing out a heavy groove, riding the fuck out of it, then jumping immediately into the next one. Strange Peace is loud, noisy, angular post-punk rock from our friends in the Great White North (Canada). It’s almost like every member of this three piece band is playing percussion. …

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How to Receive Terrible Gifts from Your Family

Paul Danke, contributor   Receiving terrible gifts is a curse on the aloof. While some people can say “Thank you” and everyone believes them, we cursed kids from the back of the class can never seem to make people feel appreciated. Sure, the gifts suck, and believe me, they know the gifts suck. It’s your bad behavior: your sighs, your …

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Top 5 Hottest Toys of 2017

Gage Hensley, contributor                 Kevin Spacey ActIon Figure Denies any allegation that slightly involves him. With Kung-Fu grip that works on anyone who works under him and a button that turns him gay at will.             Mike Pence Toy Roomba Cleans up political messes you create through any …

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Un-American Letter

You are so UN-AMERICAN. All the sex talk, articles about sex, and referring to sex, is not only bad taste, its unbecoming of people such as yourself. You,obviously are a sperm-donor, not a Daddy. Great! 3 more kids who are not going to succeed at anything and are going to always have their hand out expecting everybody else to to …

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