Savage Henry

Flat Earther to Release Opinion on Tax Policy

Aaron Pitcher, contributor   HARTFORD, MI – The Internet was abuzz this morning at the Facebook announcement by local Flat Earth model advocate and unemployed punch press operator Clint Fielder that he would soon make an important contribution to the national dialogue and “share with the (flat) world [his] own prespective on pending tax legilsation.” Fielder, 44, whose credentials include …

Read More »

Bobby’s Favorite Weirdos

Bobby Benedict, contributor   I’ve come across the archetypes: the conspiracy hobo, diet the Dude, even not-blind-but-also-not-as-good Ray Charles. I try to associate with those weirdos, to understand how far past the fringes the human mind can be taken, but these three I still can’t quite comprehend.   The Alaskan Werewolf Alaska was amazing, even if only for the experience …

Read More »

The Pains of Being Pure At Heart – The Echo of Pleasure

The Dirty Bird, Contributor   I heard neither pleasure, nor its echo, while listening to this album.   If you’re nostalgic for the whispering pop-drivel of the ‘80s, this is your band. If Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark and Simple Minds had a baby, and that baby grew up to be Erasure’s more flamboyant cousin who plays fairly decent guitar, …

Read More »

Queens of the Stone Age – Villains

Kit Morris, contributor   Opening their third decade, QOTSA just delivered a monument of creativity — ambitious, well crafted songs that are reverent to their pre-Kyuss seeds of inspiration, woven with an unexpectedly fresh modern production and fully realized arrangements that bring every player into focus as never before. Synths are cranked with the guitars, basslines frequently take on a …

Read More »

Good Ol’ Uncle Levi

William Toblerone, contributor   Once again, Uncle Levi pulled out his old yearbook to show us how much potential he once had.  He was an accomplished track star and the president of his senior class. He usually skipped past the page where he was voted “Most Likely to Succeed”, because it saddened him that things didn’t go as planned. One …

Read More »

The Problem With Spotify Within the Music Industry

Rocco Tenaglia, contributor I must admit that, even while writing this, I still pay for a Spotify subscription. The “Discover Weekly” playlists, intuitive gestures, and large catalogue all make the Swedish streaming sensation an obvious choice for the smartphone-toting music lover. And, yet, there is something incredibly unsettling about the effect Spotify has on the music industry. When I first …

Read More »

Five Guys Burgers and Fries – Santa Cruz (on acid)

Josh Van Lockant, contributor   Walking in after getting up enough nerve to leave the park bench after the Hog Farm acid really kicked in, I was immediately struck by the checkered motif. It felt like I was in that “Don’t Come Around Here No More” Tom Petty video. And then I got sad about Petty and then the fucking …

Read More »

I Pull My Pants Down When I Pee and Now I Make $12,000 a Year

Pat Dylan, contributor   Teachers had their concerns about Andy.   “He always smelled of fine French cheese, and industrial strength airplane glue,” said Mrs. Melfer, his 3rd grade teacher.   Everyone was aware of the puzzling bouquet of aromas, but soon that odd fact would be eclipsed by his propensity to drop trow like George Michael in a truck …

Read More »

Childhood Abandonment Issues

Zeke Herrera, staff   People often accuse me of being distrusting and distant, and those serial killers can get the fuck away from me, but they might have a point. When I was a kid my parents would fight constantly over everything (money, cleaning; Friday the 13th was the best). One night my dad got real drunk. I was in …

Read More »

Spicy Asshole Letter

I love Savage Henry enough to lick his asshole. Unless he ate spicy fast food recently. Happy Holidays to all of you degenerate drunks! XOXO   – L-Train

Read More »