Savage Henry

Music Review: Barney I Love You (Who Loves Me?)

Raj Noogmosh, contributor Has any artist ever reached greater heights of success and fallen so far as Barney the Dinosaur? Throughout the ‘90s – accompanied by his “Friends” Baby Bop, Riff and B.J. – he released a string of platinum-selling albums and toured the same stadiums as U2 and the Rolling Stones, all while holding down a popular PBS show …

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Music Review: The Chipmunks The Chipmunk Adventure Soundtrack

Leah Brzezinski, contributor I don’t exactly understand what this band The Chipmunks is going for, or what drugs they might be on. They’re sort of like The Mamas and the Papas, with 3 guys and 3 gals singing alternating male/female features with group tracks, except they sound like they’re sucking helium or are weird children or dwarves or something. It’s …

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Break These Rules

Lucy Castle, contributor Hey, boys and girls! These are rough seas that you’re sailing in, and just when you think you’re starting to figure it all out, you get more rocks and canals and seaweed to navigate. Pay attention and break these rules. Coffee Is Bad For You — No, it’s not. A cup of coffee or black tea in …

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#45 Letter #1

Dear Savage Henry Magazine, Thank you for enlightening my 16-year-old to the arcane ways of life behind the emerald triangle. I will blame you when I’m renewing his prison subscription. Love, “Big Daddy” Calhoun PS: He thinks I should be a guest on your podcast. Would this act besmirch my otherwise shiny reputation as a community leader? Would there be …

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Rejected Ben and Jerry’s Flavors

You know, this issue is really for the kids. And we know what kids love: ICE CREAM! And who makes the most fun flavors? BEN AND JERRY! These ones didn’t make the cut, however. Chunky Dahmer – Packed full of mystery meat… well, you know what it is. At least one toenail in every 30 pints GUARANTEED. Syringe Sorbet – …

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Captain Willy’s Lil’ Celebrity Circle: Baby Einstein’s Shining Star

William Toblernone, contributor In this week’s installment I sat down with Daniel Nadolski Jr, one of the stars of There Goes My Baby, the hugely popular 26th installment in the Baby Einstein early learning video series. I caught up with this refreshing 13-month-old talent at his private playground in Claremont, CA. CW: Daniel, everyone seems to agree that you truly …

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Tips On How To Improve Your Sadomasochistic Sex Dungeon

Zeke Herrera, contributor  Ohh, Hi! I didn’t see you there, nor will I ever, I’m communicating to you via words. In this month’s article I’m going to give you a few helpful tips on how to improve your sadomasochistic sex dungeon. Now, I know what your thinking, “Zeke, sadomasochistic sex dungeon? Isn’t that a bit redundant?”  Hahaha, you would think so. …

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Cinema’s Wildest Anachronisms: Chronological Errors of Notable Note

William Toblerone, contributor Dances with Wolves: This adventure story is set in the 1860s, during the final years of the Indian Wars. Fifty-six minutes into the movie, the Union soldier portrayed by Kevin Costner dashes across the frontier to the local trading post to purchase much-needed supplies. Just after the cashier asks, “Plastic or rawhide?” she scans a box of …

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Zeke’s Adventures Through Time And Space (Technically)

Zeke Herrera, contributor Time: 7:41 AM Date: 11/27/13 I have discovered a new method of time travel. I just woke from a dream and realized that I had been time traveling my entire life (technically). Now I needed to perfect my new found method but first a quick nap to refuel. Time: 2:37 PM Date: 11/27/13 Time to get started, …

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Antiquated Stereotypes I Will Never Tire of

Danny Felts, contributor A Georgian lawyer sounding like his mouth is dripping with honey. Film never being fed at the correct speed, causing everyone look like they were running around on crack. These were some of the simple pleasures of The Greatest Generation. Sadly, most of these ridiculous stereotypes have disappeared with the advent of refined technology, and people who …

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