Savage Henry

Scarecrows are Creepy as Hell

Spencer Devine, contributor Scarecrows, as is inherent in their name, are creepy as hell. Scarecrows are golems of straw, decrepit shadows of humanity crucified upon fence posts in the middle of large fields. They are farming accessories used to scare birds away from wide stretches of corn, wheat, or any other tall grass-like crops.These locations are also non- coincidentally easy …

Read More »

Piano Thief Says It’s His Last Time Harvesting Organs

Kollin Holtz, contributor ALAMEDA, Ca – An organ thief has come forward in the Bay area to let everyone know he will no longer make the instrument available on the black-market. He’s not going legit, he said; he simply “can’t do it anymore.” When pressed further he made claims that his doc would “kill” him. “I got a herniated disk, …

Read More »

A Cautionary Tale of Tolerance

Leslie Small, contributor I’m a woman with an almost superhuman ability to smoke weed. It’s a gift, really. People are often surprised by my tolerance, which I understand to an extent, considering I’m a petite woman. It’s a blessing and a curse; with great power comes great responsibility and this was an instance I learned that lesson. I had a …

Read More »

All Day Long

Jason Dove, contributor One day I want to be rich just to having my own award show. Why the hell would I want to blow all of my cash on an award show, you might ask? That’s a good question. If I had my own award show it’d be for one reason: giving out the LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD. That’s a …

Read More »

A Non-Smoker’s Approach To Humboldt

Danny Felts, contributor Hello, Humboldt/Other California-y Places,  It’s my understanding that you guys have a lot going on right now. Well, let me restate that, actually. You have aLL of IT going on now. and that’s because it’s fall, and your reputation precedes you, and, well–dammit. I’m just going to say it. You’re surrounded by marijuana. all of the marijuana, in fact. So much so that from multiple …

Read More »

Decades of Smoke: Interview with the Sinsemilla Bootlegger

Justin Alan, contributor When I was younger and I first shared with my mom that I had “tried” marijuana, she was was the definition of cool. She disapproved, but understood that it was something not harmful, and she herself was a bit of a fan of the plant. She even told me an awesome story about when she was in …

Read More »

Album Review: The Polyphonic Spree “Yes, It’s True”

Meghan Vogel, contributor  Keep yourself high” seems to be the message on the Polyphonic Spree’s Yes, It’s True. Like modern Gnostics, The Spree seem to be revealing a secret: “It’s all good, kind brothers and sisters.” Some lyrics are silly. “It’s not your phone with an i/It’s not your Facebook likes/Bear in mind, you’re golden.” But it’s sung by The Spree’s choir with …

Read More »

Album Review: Oozing Wound “Retrash”

Joel Leavitt, contributor  If you’re looking for an assload of heavy, crunchy riffs, look no further. Imagine you’re sitting in the breakroom at work, playing with your phone, when some guy walks in with a bag of chips. He sits next to you and begins chomping on what could only be described as the loudest, crunchiest chips of all time. Now visualize that same …

Read More »

Album Review: Bloc Party “The Next Wave Sessions”

Meghan Vogel, contributor  The press release for Bloc Party’s new EP, The Next Wave Sessions, promised that it “amalgamates the visceral energy of Bloc Party live.” Overall, I didn’t vomit. It’s not horrendous, but there’s nothing new, avant-garde or interesting about this release. It’s accessible; dollars to donuts, you’re gonna be hearing this at K-Mart soon. And you’ll be sure to hear songs “Montreal” …

Read More »

Untapped Market: The Woman Stoner

Chelsea Hetelson, contributor  Lately I’ve been watching Cosmos by Carl Sagan, really a prime choice when high. However, Netflix recently just took that shit down with no warning. What’s a stoner to do? Deciding to go back to stoner basics, I reviewed my chosen genre. Cheech & Chong, Mall Rats, The Big Lebowski, Harold and Kumar, Pineapple Express, Jay & Silent …

Read More »