Savage Henry

The Penniless Punchline

Andrew Oulette, contributor  Forbes estimated Bill Gates to be worth $67 billion. Warren Buffett is at $53.5 billion. Donald Trump is worth $3.2 Billion while Jerry Seinfeld, the top earning comedian of 2013, has a net worth slightly over $800 million … The richest comedian in the world still doesn’t hold a candle to CEO’s or real estate tycoons. If …

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How To Live Like A Baller When You’re Broke

Keith D., contributor As the Notorious B.I.G. says, “mo’ money, mo’ problems”. Therefore, less money = less problems. Unfortunately, these fewer problems are much more life-threatening. But, with a little knowledge and determination, we can overcome these obstacles and thrive in the trenches. Here is a short guide I created, pooling my knowledge of how to live like a broke …

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Dating Without Money: The Poor Mans Guide

Andrew Holmgren, contributor   “Hey there, I couldn’t help but notice that you’re reading a hilarious free humor magazine and enjoying yourself quite a bit. Our similar sensibilities lead me to believe that we should get together as I am both a comedian and very poor.” In a perfect world, everyone would be a Savage Henry Magazine reader and that …

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Dr. Shoechucker: And God Said, “Let There Be Bourgeoisie”

Choada Salinas, contributor Eden got pretty boring after I kicked you out. You can only have so many shots of Jäger with a talking snake before you start repeating that tired conversation about whether or not I should have even created you in the first place. Eventually I bought Heaven and moved up, thinking that the angels would help take …

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Humboldt’s Most Eligible Bachelorette:

Emily Hobelmann, contributor  Jorja, 26, bartender; Arcata Yes, we think bartenders are sexy. Jorja (pronounced “Georgia”) hails from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin — she is as effervescent and light as the finest OG Leinenkugel. She’s been in the Humboldt Bubble for about five years and she’s content here. She straddles the Virgo-Libra cusp; she loves fluff literature yet she appreciates deep …

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Behind the Turntables: Top 5 Drunk Things People Said

Pressure/Anya, contributors A sneak peek into the art of DJing from two of Humboldt County’s hardest working DJs Being out in Humboldt’s nightlife as much as we are, we get see the best of what our county’s drunks have to offer. Blurred lines lead some of them to believe us DJ types are their very own human jukebox friends. They often …

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Album Review: Lyndsey Battle “All Ways in a Good Way”

Rosa Green, contributor  If I were floating over lavender fields of France in a hot air balloon with kids and a parrot, this album would be my accompanying soundtrack. It is whimsical, easy listening and gives one a comfortable sense of smugness. Though lacking in complexity, the songs are sweet and instantly memorable. The track “In a Good Way,” features a …

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Album Review: Deer Tick – “Negativity”

Bagel, contributor     I really like the album cover for Deer Tick’s new offering “Negativity.” Unfortunately, that’s about all there is to like. The instrumentation is fine, the band is obviously talented, but it’s hard to pay attention to anything besides the painfully distracting vocals. The unique attributes of singer John McCauley’s voice is too large of an issue for me. He’s an “all or …

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Album Reviews: Superchunk – “I Hate Music”

Bagel, contributor I’m always afraid to hear a new Superchunk album. I know there’s a good chance it’ll be a letdown. I was concerned as the record is called “I Hate Music” and the band may be considered “past their prime.” After their initial run from 1989 to 2001, the band went on hiatus until releasing “Majesty Shredding” in 2010. Thankfully, the new album is not only good, …

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