Savage Henry

Dad Was A Big Man

John Dooley, contributor There’s always going to be someone With a bigger dick than you Dad told me as I looked up to him There will always be someone Stronger Better looking With more money A better car A prettier woman Bigger house Who tells funnier jokes Knows more important people Who’s been there first Who is smarter Luckier Someone …

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Album Review: Deap Vally “Get Deap EP!”

Cee Cee Hill, contributor “Deap Vally”  is comprised of two bad-ass chicks who totally know how to rock and they are on a mission to blow our minds. Lindsey Troy plays fierce guitar and hollers while Julie Edwards bangs the drums as if possessed by the devil. The band’s first recording, “Get Deap!” presents four unhinged, unrestrained and electrifying tracks. …

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Some Helpful Tips From My Father on How to Raise Your Clone

Andre Parker, cotnributor Few people know this about me but I’m actually a clone. A clone of a clone to be exact. I am but one thread of many that create a genetic tapestry that was passed on from my father from his father and from his father before him. And much like my father taught me, I must teach …

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Album Review: Blackheart Honeymoon “Nothing and everything else”

Bagel, contributor The six-song offering from Seattle group Blackheart Honeymoon is a glimpse into the songwriting and vocal gifts of the Reverend Ian Prebo. He is joined by original Blackheart member, and undisputed bass master Wes Amundesen on the upright, and backed by the ridiculously talented musical rascals of Lowmen Markos. All six songs have great power and an unabashed …

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The Time I Dressed Up Like A Dad and Ate Hot Wings At The Strip Club

Bryn Robertson, contributor  There are a few things to pay attention to when dressing in drag at a strip club. Number one: The further you look from the photo on your identification card, the better. Make no apologies and stand up straight. If there’s one thing my Dad still nags me about, it‘s good posture. Number two: Get your mustache …

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Extreme Failures

Tim Palmer, contributor  With the success of “Mountain Dew” and the “X-Games”, extreme products have become huge moneymakers. But for all the success stories, there have been a number of missteps in attempts to turn other products into “extreme” versions. Here is a rundown of some of our favorites: XTREME TOYOTA CAMRY: Worked too well. All women under the age …

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Opinion Column

Tony Persico, contributor Extremely Awesome Ideas!! Make milk that doesn’t expire. Congress should be run like jury duty. You go to the mailbox and find out you’re a Senator. Every reality show should be combined with another reality show immediately, cutting the number of reality shows in half. This should be repeated ad infinitum. Left handed people, mostly left handed women, …

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The Shoechucker: My Freedom Can Beat Up Your Freedom

Choada Salinas, contributor Our founding fathers invented freedom. America’s freedom is so awesome that everyone must sublimate to it, prostrate before it, and bear witness to the shock and awe that it demands. That’s why Chuck Norris is an American. His beard is a literal manifestation of American superiority. Behind every one of our freedoms is another freedom and we’re …

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My Extremely Awesome Life

Tony Persico, contributor I have done so much with my extremely awesome life, the most interesting man in the world asks me what to do. I am an expert pilot, and am often seen doing loops and landing on runways. I avenged my brother’s death by single handedly wiping out several biker gangs, but the taste of revenge grew sour when …

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Album Review: The Touchy Feelies “Out of Time EP”

Leah Brzezinski, contributor  It’s the feel good, melodic pop- punk sleeper hit of the season! Equal parts fun, cute and badass make for blasting this Los Angeles- based quartet’s four song EP like biting into a perfectly sweet slice of watermelon. Throaty female vocals, catchy choruses, simple major chords, pleasing harmonies, driving drum beats and indulgent guitar solos— it’s chock …

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