Savage Henry

The Shoechuckers: Hippies or Mexicans: Deportation Roulette

Choada Salinas, Columnist Look at it this way. Imagine if every stinky dreadlocked dork in Guatemalan pants were to start getting pulled over and accosted on the suspicion of being a loser. Hold on, that’s wrong — it assumes they’re in cars. Let’s say stopped on the street. Yeah, that’s better. Can you see it now? You know that kid …

Read More »

Letters to the editor #2 (b)

To whom it may concern, It has come to my attention that not only have you continued with your publication, but you have made it even brighter and more appealing to children. I found a copy of your word pornography in my son’s possession. HE IS A CHILD! I have seen the corruption in his actions: Talking back, playing video …

Read More »

Letters to the editor #2 (a)

Dear Editor of Savage Henry, I spotted the complete lie in your story about weird Eureka facts. Kevin Bacon to Eureka in 16 degrees? Ha! You could connect him to the leather armchair at your grandma’s house in fewer degrees. Kevy B. was in “Enemy of the State” with Will Smith who was in “I Am Legend” with Michael Patton …

Read More »

ROAD RaGE ~ “CROsSwalk cavorting”

The Angry Driver, Contributor Even though people regularly get killed while crossing the street, pedestrians still love to fuck with us drivers. You gaytards get a boner from making cars lock up their brakes as you walk right out with no warning and then take your sweet fucking time strolling across. I for one am about ready to just plow …

Read More »

You might be a…#2

The cease and desist order from Jeff Foxworthy still hasn’t popped up in our P.O. Box, so we’re at it again. In this issue we take on those homeless-by-choice types that come through the area thinking marijuana just grows on trees: The trustafarians. They’re living off their parents’ success, sometimes under the guise of being a student at Humboldt State …

Read More »

Madame Specifica’s Monthly Predictions

 Aries    March 20 – April 20 Mid Month you will fall asleep in the sun and burn the shit out of your forehead causing it to swell immensely. You will walk around for two days looking like a reddish cross between Wharf and Christina Ricci, but with white sunglasses.  Taurus   April 20 – May 21 You will come …

Read More »

Chain stores we’d rather see at the Balloon Track

With all this talk about the Balloon Track and “Arkley this” and “Coastal Commission that,” we here at Savage Henry say scratch that Home Depot bullshit idea and consider some businesses that we actually want and will meet very little resistance from the public — well, at least from us here at Savage Henry. While we’d prefer to keep things …

Read More »

The Hitch-Hickers Manifesto

Milo Shumpert Appel, Contributor Every year, countless young travelers set out across their states, countries, or across the world with little more than a smile and the universally recognized “hitchhiker’s thumb.” Some set out to explore the wilderness we call Western civilization at a minimal cost, placing themselves at the mercy of their wit, luck and the compassion of strangers. …

Read More »

The Shoechucker: Phuck Pharma

Choada Salinas, Columnist No one’s rights are threatened, no one’s freedom is threatened, no one’s trying to control the people. What this administration finally succeeded in doing is enact a plan for health care 100 years in the making and significantly less comprehensive than previous plans. This is what really seems to be happening here: Health care reform threatens several …

Read More »