Savage Henry

Everything I Needed to Know About Life I Learned From Cartoon Catchphrases

Keith D, contributor Dr. Albert walks into the waiting room where Keith anxiously awaits news about his friends who were in a horrible accident. Dr. Albert: Hey, hey, hey! Keith (with grave concern): What’s up Doc? Dr. Albert: They’re Greeeat! Keith (exuberant): Happy happy Joy Joy! Dr. Albert: D’oh! Keith (confused): Zoinks? Dr. Albert (rubbing together thumb and forefingers (expecting payment)): Dough… Keith (shocked): Well I’ll be doggoned… …

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I have lived in Arcata for the past five years.

Dear S.H.I.T. I have lived in Arcata for the past five years. During that time I have acquired a mild taste and understanding for your magazine’s skewed local humor, pertaining to local businesses, plazoids, and the growing industry that keeps this County alive (when I say “growing” I do not mean expanding). I feel a certain tinge of fondness every …

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Top 4 Classic Cartoon Abilities (that would be awesome in real life.)

 Leslie Small, contributor   1. VIP status with ACME CO. Companies today should take note; ACME CO was serious about customer service.  Exploding tennis balls? Check.  Earthquake pills?  Check. Rocket powered anything, including unicycles?  Check.  Those fuckers would deliver anywhere, from your house to the desert, to the room you’re standing in, shit you didn’t even need a valid postal …

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Movie Preview: Drones

Paul Danke, contributor   From the world of CARS and PLANES comes … DRONES. The tale of lovable unmanned drone – Drony (voiced by Ryan Gosling). Drony was top of his class at the academy but is horrified at the acts he is forced to commit after flying his first mission. With the help of his best drone buds Fat Butt …

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The Comedy Of Violence

Andrew Oullette, contributor   One rubber mallet, several sticks of TNT, a frying pan and a shotgun. Add a of dash gun powder and mix thoroughly. Let sit for an hour before baking and there you have it: A recipe for funny. Violence has a long history in comedy. The Three Stooges and the Marx  Brothers are good examples. America’s Funniest Home …

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Music Review: Hidden Lake “sinking Choirs eP”

Leah Brzezinski, contributor    Seattle-based Charles Hargis and Adam Drew have been making music together for years under various guises, and their latest collaboration as Hidden Lake (along with a new bassist and lead guitarist) is most certainly their best work to date. After scrapping much of their previous material, they began writing again in earnest last summer and have …

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Dan Johnson’s Next Commencement Speech

Josh Duke, staff After Dan Johnson of the Danco Group (and member of the school board for Northern Humboldt Unified High School District) gave a rousing commencement speech at Arcata High School, there were some that felt that he may have plagiarized pieces of his speech from another commencement speech given by David McCullough Jr. To avoid any further incidents, …

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A Practical Visual Guide To Contraceptive Outerwear

Bryn Robertson, contributor   Are you sick of having sex? Are you tired of being the hottest out of all your friends? Are you exhausted with all of the many, affordable, convenient birth control methods available on the market today? Do you fantasize of developing a fashion allergy? Are you sick of all these rhetorical questions and ready to take responsibility …

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Water We Waiting For?

Keith D., contributor   Water: A natural resource which sustains all life on this planet. Truly a gift from God (or Satan, or Science, or aliens). But, like all our precious resources, H2O is under the control of giant multi-national corporate conglomerates who are more powerful than the the Oil, Tobacco, and Media Industries combined. Think about it: ALL THEIR ASSETS …

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10 Things You Must Do Before the End of Summer

Paul Danke, contributor   With July Fourth in our rearview so moves us out of the patriotic holiday rock block that is Memorial through Independence Day and into the grime and sweated funk of late summer. The days are hotter, and grow increasingly thoughtless and meandering. The freckled are more freckled, the moustache’s seem less ironic and once fresh summer …

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