Savage Henry

Ten Reasons I Dont’ Swim in the Ocean

Andre Parker, contributor   10) My Dad: I’ll never forget that cool summer evening. I was standing at the edge of a pier in a crisp new pair of baby blue swim trunks. The brisk breeze sliding across the water and gently kissing my preteen hairs as they grew silently from my legs. I’ll never forget the sweet smell of malt …

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Letter to the Editor #39

What’s up? aarcatas dirty little secret. we know that was a spoof and written by a county employee pot grower. disgusting yet true but was meant as a joke, ” growers lead to homelessness, tooth decay and mexican mafia.” said the old article as a joke but is true. while yall make fun of those victimized by the greed weed …

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Album Review: Moira Scar “Scarred For Life”

Joel Leavitt, contributor    Rather than write a traditional review, I thought I’d share a little tale of my week listening to Moira Scar. Day 1: What the fuck did Ben send me? Day 2: I got an e-mail from the band saying they love Savage Henry Magazine. Day 3: Organ grinder. . .that’s me singing in a deep voice! …

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My Dad Did Some Pretty Cool Shit

Anonymous (cuz I call my grandma a shitbag), contributor  As a child of the west coast, passive aggression courses through my body like a scourge of white blood cells, and I fucking hate it. There’s only so many times you can hear somebody say the phrase, “Umm…yeah…I was thinking… maybe you could put your towel in your room because its …

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Deal Ol’ Dad

Lucy Castle, contributor   You show too much leg. There was a time in the early 1980s when it was acceptable for straight men to have a Magnum P.I. mustache and wear daisy-dukes, and you rocked that look! It was also more than OK for you to wear a Speedo when we were stationed in Italy, but even I knew that you …

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Proud Bald Man

Keith D, contributor My father is a proud bald man. As a child, he prepared me for the hardships I would come to face as a bald man in America. He taught me comebacks to bald slurs such as “Baldy”, “Chrome-Dome”, and “Mr. Potato Head-lookin’-motherfucker.” He taught me not to wear a hat, but to hold my bald head high. …

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Dr. Shoechucker: In Defense of Patriarchy

Choada Salinas, contributor Face it – if it weren’t for men you wouldn’t be here. Even if your father was the kind of rolling stone that left you nothing but alone, he is still the primary reason for your existence. Women may be the ones giving birth but it’s men who provide the seed. Therefore, it’s really men who harbor …

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My Father Said Things I Submitted to S.H.I.T.

Patrick Perkins, contributor My dad wasn’t a terrible guy and, though not a professor, he isn’t an idiot either. Considering he served on the Enterprise (though not under Kirk or Picard), he’s been to prison, was a logger, and now he runs his own farm. He’s an interesting guy. Over my life he’s given me some really great pearls of …

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Savage Henry’s Most Eligible Bachelor

Emily Hobelmann, contributor Savage Henry Magazine recently broadened its horizons out beyond the Redwood Curtain, and guess what we found out there… Hot single men like our June bachelor — hottie with the body. Reader, please meet… Edgar, 37, double-job ninja — shipping manager + server; Loomis.  E-money’s got his shit together. Straight up. He’s definitely not a man-child, and …

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