Savage Henry

Frankenstein is Your Daddy

Michael Sargent, contributor Dr. Frankenstein can be considered the daddy of all monster daddies’. From the mind of a teenage Mary Shelley, Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (Prometheus is a trickster deity credited with creating a man from clay though purists will fittingly point out that Athena did breath them to life), and published in 1918, no monster creator has been imitated …

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The Words of My Father

Corin Balkovec, contributor    Growing up, my father taught me many things: Algebra, how to drive a car, various types of home repair. But out of everything, the one skill that has been his biggest gift has been learning how to swear. Yes, knowing how to drive a car is useful, but learning how to call someone a “dumbfuck” while …

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Father

Justin Alan, contributor My father story can be quite depressing. Seeing as this is typically a humor and/or comedy oriented magazine I will get the bummers out of the way up front, and then we can all have a nice fart and be on with the article. When I was 16 years old (I’m 25 now) my father killed himself. …

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Dad Was A Big Man

John Dooley, contributor There’s always going to be someone With a bigger dick than you Dad told me as I looked up to him There will always be someone Stronger Better looking With more money A better car A prettier woman Bigger house Who tells funnier jokes Knows more important people Who’s been there first Who is smarter Luckier Someone …

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Album Review: Deap Vally “Get Deap EP!”

Cee Cee Hill, contributor “Deap Vally”  is comprised of two bad-ass chicks who totally know how to rock and they are on a mission to blow our minds. Lindsey Troy plays fierce guitar and hollers while Julie Edwards bangs the drums as if possessed by the devil. The band’s first recording, “Get Deap!” presents four unhinged, unrestrained and electrifying tracks. …

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Some Helpful Tips From My Father on How to Raise Your Clone

Andre Parker, cotnributor Few people know this about me but I’m actually a clone. A clone of a clone to be exact. I am but one thread of many that create a genetic tapestry that was passed on from my father from his father and from his father before him. And much like my father taught me, I must teach …

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Album Review: Blackheart Honeymoon “Nothing and everything else”

Bagel, contributor The six-song offering from Seattle group Blackheart Honeymoon is a glimpse into the songwriting and vocal gifts of the Reverend Ian Prebo. He is joined by original Blackheart member, and undisputed bass master Wes Amundesen on the upright, and backed by the ridiculously talented musical rascals of Lowmen Markos. All six songs have great power and an unabashed …

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The Time I Dressed Up Like A Dad and Ate Hot Wings At The Strip Club

Bryn Robertson, contributor  There are a few things to pay attention to when dressing in drag at a strip club. Number one: The further you look from the photo on your identification card, the better. Make no apologies and stand up straight. If there’s one thing my Dad still nags me about, it‘s good posture. Number two: Get your mustache …

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Extreme Failures

Tim Palmer, contributor  With the success of “Mountain Dew” and the “X-Games”, extreme products have become huge moneymakers. But for all the success stories, there have been a number of missteps in attempts to turn other products into “extreme” versions. Here is a rundown of some of our favorites: XTREME TOYOTA CAMRY: Worked too well. All women under the age …

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Opinion Column

Tony Persico, contributor Extremely Awesome Ideas!! Make milk that doesn’t expire. Congress should be run like jury duty. You go to the mailbox and find out you’re a Senator. Every reality show should be combined with another reality show immediately, cutting the number of reality shows in half. This should be repeated ad infinitum. Left handed people, mostly left handed women, …

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