Savage Henry

The Shoechucker: My Freedom Can Beat Up Your Freedom

Choada Salinas, contributor Our founding fathers invented freedom. America’s freedom is so awesome that everyone must sublimate to it, prostrate before it, and bear witness to the shock and awe that it demands. That’s why Chuck Norris is an American. His beard is a literal manifestation of American superiority. Behind every one of our freedoms is another freedom and we’re …

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My Extremely Awesome Life

Tony Persico, contributor I have done so much with my extremely awesome life, the most interesting man in the world asks me what to do. I am an expert pilot, and am often seen doing loops and landing on runways. I avenged my brother’s death by single handedly wiping out several biker gangs, but the taste of revenge grew sour when …

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Album Review: The Touchy Feelies “Out of Time EP”

Leah Brzezinski, contributor  It’s the feel good, melodic pop- punk sleeper hit of the season! Equal parts fun, cute and badass make for blasting this Los Angeles- based quartet’s four song EP like biting into a perfectly sweet slice of watermelon. Throaty female vocals, catchy choruses, simple major chords, pleasing harmonies, driving drum beats and indulgent guitar solos— it’s chock …

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Album Review: Mudhoney “Vanishing Point”

Cee Cee Hill, contributor “Vanishing Point” is Mudhoney’s ninth album in 25 years. The first song is raw, unproduced and doesn’t sound like the work of a “veteran band.” I’m sure they’re competent in production techniques, so I imagine this is a statement on how they like to record. If you are able to overcome that unexpected moment, things actually …

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Album Review: Atoms for Peace “Amok”

Astro De Rosa, contributor  Atoms for Peace is Thom Yorke’s musical collaboration with super producer Nigel Godrich, along with Flea and two percussionists. At 5 feet tall, Yorke walks a thin, contradicting line between organic and electronic music. Whether the sounds are created on the fly, or placed carefully in editing and post production, there’s a sense of appeal that …

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Home Owner’s Association Letter

Chris Acosta, contributor Ed-note – a few months ago one of our writers received violations from his home owner’s association. The following is his reply: I have done the following to rectify the violation (loose fence boards and cable wire being a different color than the house) stated in the letter. On April 12 at 3 p.m. I began my …

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Extreme Awesomeness /Extreme Aerosmith:Same Diff

William Head, contributor The most extreme moments from New England’s most extreme band of rockers 5) May 12, 1989 Boston, MA A mini-riot breaks out as throngs of scantily clad local Boston skanks protect their turf against a pervasive faction of invading “Jersey whores”. Vanessa, one of the aforementioned Jersey whores, claims that the only reason they even came over …

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Top Ten Extremely Awesome Things I Saw in the Future

Andre Parker, contributor Recently, while under the influence of some particularly friendly mushrooms, I found myself tripping over a tear in the fabric of space and time. Well, to be more precise, I fell 20 years into the future! I saw many strange and awesome things and unusual advances in technology, science and society as a whole. I also had sex …

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Album Review: ODESZA “Summer’s Gone”

Astro De Rosa, contributor A production duo from the Pacific Northwest, ODESZA create pretty, soulful electronica. There’s a special lightness to their new album. It’s a positive message, utopian chords played over up- tempo trip-hop. Although the music is instrumental, the album seems to have a narrative. The band’s overall sound is pleasing to the ear and will appeal to …

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The History of the Universe

Crancel T. Comptomptricks, contributor (Translated from Old English by Lester Z. Methmiths)  Three incredibly long days ago I was awaken to the sound of something frightening. Something I can only describe as disgust. Disgust at what is being taught to our larva. (By which I mean children.) They are being taught to think that plants and animals can change through something called …

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