Savage Henry

Timeline of Scientific Achievement

Tony Persico, contributor This timeline focuses on the most important and most influential achievements, inventions, and advances that have occurred over the last 200 years. I performed several minutes of research to ensure that every detail is factually accurate, because I care enough to educate as well as entertain. But then I got bored around the year 2000 and stopped …

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Dr. Shoechucker: The Science of God’s Love

Choada Salinas, contributor Considering all this blasphemy about whether or not those godless heathen homos should be allowed to wed under the same holy institution that has given me my three wives and 16 children, it only stands to reason that I would be angry. How dare the state afford the same rights to people who like different sex than …

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Slassy

Daryl Lee Creach, special contributor Y’know, some of us ain’t never gonna be near nothin’ we call fancy, but that don’t mean we cant put some of that class up all in here. Now we ain’t white trash or nuthin, but just cuz we here all know the taste of possum, and have even thought of writin’ a book full …

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I always light my bitches cigarettes: A GuIde to Fancy Smokes

Kim Hodges, contributor Cigarettes make us cooler and more desirable in the eyes of hobos, and God damn they feel great in our lungs. There’s nothing I love more than standing against a brick wall with one leg bent, leaning like I don’t give a shit, and inhaling as if no one walking by could understand the power of how …

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How to tie a tie

Rob McManus, cotnributor Step one: Get a tie from the store. Ties are expensive, so your best bet would be to steal it. What I do is I make sure the coast is clear, and then I cram the tie in-between my butt cheeks. Make sure to do a good job wiping your ass prior to this, because one time …

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Mission: The High Class Lady

Casey Heinisch, contributor It has been three months since I crash landed in this strange place behind the Redwood Curtain. I am now certain that a rescue vessel is not going to be arriving. I am stranded. It is time to mingle with the locals and hopefully be accepted into their tribe. The woman who owns the property where I …

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Album Review: Barn Owl -“V”

Bagel, contributor Barn Owl is not what they seem. I wanted to use a bunch of Twin Peaks references for this one, but really I didn’t expect Barn Owl to sound this way. I don’t know exactly what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. This is their fifth album, hence the “V” moniker, but if the early stuff is …

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Album Review: The Postal Service – Give up (Deluxe 10th Anniversary edition)

Leah Brzezinski, contributor I remember playing Super Mario Brothers on NES for the first time. Sure, there had been other video games before it, but when that little overall-clad plumber stomped a goomba, something inside me knew technology had changed things irrevocably. The Postal Service’s “Give Up” caused a similarly transformative moment in 2003 where the stars “perfectly aligned” and a seminal indie-electro …

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Album Review: my bloody valentine – m b v

Astro De Rosa, contributor It’s been twenty-two years. We could have conceived, raised, and legally intoxicated an adult between 1991’s “Loveless” and the just released “m b v.” Thanks to Kevin Shields’ psychopathic perfectionist tendencies the third My Bloody Valentine album is finally here, and it is amazing. Soft buzzing tremolo/distortion over layers of lush guitar lines alongside gorgeous hymns …

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