Savage Henry

The Shoechucker: You’re like school on a Saturday

Choada Salinas, Contributor You’re bored. You think the teacher is stupid. You’re wishing your phone had a stronger vibrate — just to make things more interesting. You keep getting text messages. You can’t help yourself. you try to hide it under your desk. you think the teacher won’t notice. “omg school sucks lol” Yeah, school does suck. And it’s your …

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The Absinthe Minded Professor’s Guide to New Drinks

Marshall Boyett, mixologist  Editor’s note: If you read Savage Henry, you’re probably pretty hip. So when we sought to provide you a hip (and paid-for) syndicated column, we decided that the Absinthe Minded Professor’s Guide to New Drinks was the one. So sit back and soak up, then try to stump your local bartender with these concoctions. Strawberry Shortcake Three …

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Letter to the editor #05 (d)

WHAT IF HE CALLS AT 7 FROM THE TOP OF THE HILL? … WHAT WILL I SAY? … WHILE SWALLOWING THE BREAKUP OF MY OWN DOING GOES DOWN LIKE A SANDPAPERED SHOT OF LORD FUCKING CALVERT … GET OFF THE MOUNTAIN AND COME BACK TO ME! (YEAH RIGHT) … I DON’T WANT YOUR BUD OR YOUR MONEY … JUST YOU. …

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Letter to the editor #05 (c)

Dear Savage Henry, I don’t have a toilet tank but I do have this tan oak to hold your magazine. It’s a good distraction from the mosquitoes while I’m dropping one. Thanks. Mitch (from can’t tell ya)

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Letters to the editor #05 (a)

Editor, I was seriously pissed. A little bit of worry may have blotched that felonious anger, but seriously, i was pissed! SIX WEEKS. OK, OK, OK. So you have responsibilities: friends, neighbors, jobs, mothers and fathers (sometimes two of the same sex) you have to deal with. You have to spread yourselves thin from time to time under pressure from …

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Oaxacan Barbecue

Milo Scumpert-Appel, contributor There are a lot of interesting people in Oaxaca. I’ve met architects, old-school B-Boys … the Italian photographer introducing his exhibit of photos of migrant workers scarred and maimed while riding the rails in search of a better life up north. There are the expatriate hip-hop artists, the countless men and women who can salsa like it’s …

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Madame Specifica’s Monthly Predictions #04

 Aries  March 20 – April 20  You are attending a wedding, and you know what that means: a trip to Ross. Don’t worry if you are embarrassed to see people you know at the mall. You have caught them there, too.  Taurus April 20 – May 21 You will be faced with an important gift to give this month. Instead of thoughtful, …

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HUMBOLDT-BASED PHOBIAS their secret origins

  Arkleyphobia You are inflicted with a toe-curling fear of Coastal Commission mixers, single malt scotch and Tea Party politics. Also characterized by a marked aversion to centers for the performing arts and beer pong tournaments played aboard Gulf Stream jets. The thought of fishing for salmon at elite Alaska resorts makes you tremble. You are forced to take Xanax …

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The Shoechucker We are all Oscar Grant

Choada Salinas, staff Let’s start here, just in case you don’t know what happened. Frankly, if that’s really true, then you are either a complete moron or you live under a rock or, considering this is Humboldt, both of those things multiplied by being too stoned to think. Two hours into 2009, Oscar Grant was in a fight at the …

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Savage Henry Summer Get-Away Guide to the Great Outdoors

Our backyard is an outdoorsman’s paradise. Whether kayaking, backpacking, hunting or fishing be your pursuit, California’s rugged North Coast offers it in abundance. How hard is our crush on the great outdoors? We Humboldters have been known to cry over the YouTube trailer for “A River Runs Through It” — the 1992 Brad Pitt vehicle purporting to boast the natural …

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