Savage Henry

Letter to the editor #3 (b)

Hey jerks! I read what you said about Weott, We are sick and tired of “weotta” jokes. Next time you want to talk shit on Weott. Why not talk about the lack of any stores or services or possibly the fact that our town has no sidewalks or that the funny weott center sign, Oh i know how bout the …

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Letter to the editor #3 (a)

My name is Jacques Doushe. I think the music scene is dying because I am an aging prick and have a reputation for being a fucking hater so no one would want me to know about their music anyway. I am too much of a blind fucking retard to see that, so I will blame it on musicians and venues. …

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I once was a hero

Mike Durant, contributor In the fall of 1968, I was hero. Not really, but very close. It began at Cam Ranh Bay in South Vietnam and lasted for three days. I was getting out of the country and the Army. Until that first day at the Cam Ranh, I had managed for a year to keep all my body parts, and they …

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Having a cat doesn’t make me gay

CJ Stewart, Staff Every time I find myself talking about my cat, I soon realize that the person I am talking to automatically thinks I’m gay. What is up with that? Dogs don’t make you gay? They make you tough? Eff that. My cat is awesome and I’m totally straight. I mean at least its a female cat right? Combining …

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Shotgun graffiti

Milo Shumpert Appel, Staff Someone rides in the passenger seat of a lifted pickup truck with a beer in his lap, cigarette between his teeth and a shotgun in his hands. His best friend, in the driver’s seat, tears around each corner on the rural back roads of Humboldt County. And then, around the next corner, stands the thin, metal …

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Madame Specifica’s Monthly Predictions #2

 Aries    March 20 – April 20 That haircut you get mid-month is a bad idea. Not pointing-and-laughing bad, but “aaaw, you got a bad haircut” bad. The gel isn’t going to help either. Think do-rag.  Taurus   April 20 – May 21 Your partner develops night terrors this month and after a few days of being awoken from a …

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The Shoechuckers: Hippies or Mexicans: Deportation Roulette

Choada Salinas, Columnist Look at it this way. Imagine if every stinky dreadlocked dork in Guatemalan pants were to start getting pulled over and accosted on the suspicion of being a loser. Hold on, that’s wrong — it assumes they’re in cars. Let’s say stopped on the street. Yeah, that’s better. Can you see it now? You know that kid …

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Letters to the editor #2 (b)

To whom it may concern, It has come to my attention that not only have you continued with your publication, but you have made it even brighter and more appealing to children. I found a copy of your word pornography in my son’s possession. HE IS A CHILD! I have seen the corruption in his actions: Talking back, playing video …

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Letters to the editor #2 (a)

Dear Editor of Savage Henry, I spotted the complete lie in your story about weird Eureka facts. Kevin Bacon to Eureka in 16 degrees? Ha! You could connect him to the leather armchair at your grandma’s house in fewer degrees. Kevy B. was in “Enemy of the State” with Will Smith who was in “I Am Legend” with Michael Patton …

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ROAD RaGE ~ “CROsSwalk cavorting”

The Angry Driver, Contributor Even though people regularly get killed while crossing the street, pedestrians still love to fuck with us drivers. You gaytards get a boner from making cars lock up their brakes as you walk right out with no warning and then take your sweet fucking time strolling across. I for one am about ready to just plow …

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