Savage Henry

You might be a…#2

The cease and desist order from Jeff Foxworthy still hasn’t popped up in our P.O. Box, so we’re at it again. In this issue we take on those homeless-by-choice types that come through the area thinking marijuana just grows on trees: The trustafarians. They’re living off their parents’ success, sometimes under the guise of being a student at Humboldt State …

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Madame Specifica’s Monthly Predictions

 Aries    March 20 – April 20 Mid Month you will fall asleep in the sun and burn the shit out of your forehead causing it to swell immensely. You will walk around for two days looking like a reddish cross between Wharf and Christina Ricci, but with white sunglasses.  Taurus   April 20 – May 21 You will come …

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Chain stores we’d rather see at the Balloon Track

With all this talk about the Balloon Track and “Arkley this” and “Coastal Commission that,” we here at Savage Henry say scratch that Home Depot bullshit idea and consider some businesses that we actually want and will meet very little resistance from the public — well, at least from us here at Savage Henry. While we’d prefer to keep things …

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The Hitch-Hickers Manifesto

Milo Shumpert Appel, Contributor Every year, countless young travelers set out across their states, countries, or across the world with little more than a smile and the universally recognized “hitchhiker’s thumb.” Some set out to explore the wilderness we call Western civilization at a minimal cost, placing themselves at the mercy of their wit, luck and the compassion of strangers. …

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The Shoechucker: Phuck Pharma

Choada Salinas, Columnist No one’s rights are threatened, no one’s freedom is threatened, no one’s trying to control the people. What this administration finally succeeded in doing is enact a plan for health care 100 years in the making and significantly less comprehensive than previous plans. This is what really seems to be happening here: Health care reform threatens several …

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Letter to the editor #01

  Dear Editor, My name is Margorie Dutton and I am campaigning, along with other area mothers, against your publication. We believe that magazines such as yours have no place being offered near schools, or anywhere persons younger than 18 congregate and frequent. Frankly, we think that if you continue publishing (which we doubt you will after you hear what …

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ROAD RAGE ~ “OPERATION DASHCAM”

The Angry Driver, Contributor My head is going to explode if I get stuck behind one more slow driver! The side-by-side safety corridor game, the people who forget that speed limit signs actually exist, the people who do 20 in a 40 zone. I fucking hate you. I often picture you terrified drivers, gripping the wheel, eyes locked forward, ignoring …

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You might be a…

So this blatant Jeff Foxworthy rip-off looks likes it’s going to be regular thing in Savage Henry. So sit back, relax and make sure you don’t get resin from your fingertips on the pages. People might get the wrong idea if they grab the issue and find pages stuck together. this issue it’s Grow-Hos. You might be a grow-ho if …

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