Ben’s 10 Volume LIII: The 90s One Hit Wonders Are Back!

There’s been a resurgence lately of bands that were popular in the 90s. All of the following groups are primarily known for one hit single. Some of them have had to make small sacrifices in order to seem more relevant, but by slightly changing their style or collaborating with others, they are now back in the spotlight.

EMF “Unbelievable”
After years spent penniless following their rapid descent into obscurity, EMF has recently contributed their only hit “Unbelievable” to an ad campaign for Kraft Foods. The original song’s chorus, “You’re unbelievable”, is replaced with the product claim: “It’s crumbelievable.” The band is currently on tour with Bell Biv Devoe in Austria.

 Divinyls “I Touch Myself”
An incarnation of the popular group is currently touring on the “The Masters of Masturbation” tour. All bands involved play only songs about self-gratification. Chuck Berry does “My Ding-A-Ling,” Prince plays “Darling Nikki,” and the Buzzcocks play their lovely “Orgasm Addict” track.

 Right Said Fred “I’m Too Sexy”
In order to regain some balance, the sexy dudes in Right Said Fred have decided to tour with the butt-ugliest musicians possible. Their current backing group consists of Meatloaf, Lyle Lovett, and Ronnie James Dio’s ghost.

 Fiona Apple “Criminal”
It’s not well-known that Fiona Apple was a real-life criminal. Shortly after the success of her 1996 single, Apple bit two of the fingers off of Dusty, her roadie. Now out on parole, Fiona is currently on a world tour.

 Marcy Playground “Sex and Candy”
Marcy Playground has linked up with Katy Perry for an upcoming collaborative album. Disturbingly, the band met Perry when she was very young, luring her into their windowless tour van with sex and candy.

 Silverchair “Tomorrow”
The Australian duo has linked up with other stinking turds from the post-grunge era for an “oldies” tour of sorts. The other sludge-cock-metal headliners are Candlebox, Puddle of Mudd and Three Doors Down.

 Blind Melon “No Rain”
Luckily for deceased lead vocalist Shannon Hoon, Dayton, Indiana got plenty of rain in 2014. After substantial flooding, his decomposed body emerged from its resting place. The surviving members of Blind Melon will be reanimating his corpse on stage and touring in 2015.

 4 Non Blondes “What’s Up?”
Linda Perry decided to reunite her long dormant project recently with the three blonde boys from Hanson. What’s up with that?

 Tom Cochrane “Life is a Highway”
Tom Cochrane is rumored to be working with AC/DC’s Angus Young on a record entitled “Life is a Highway to Hell.”

 Deee-Lite “Groove Is In The Heart”
After falling into financial ruin following the dissolution of Deee-Lite and years of rampant cocaine abuse, the founding members made a wise decision. They licensed their trademark song to the flatulence-suppressant dietary supplement company “Beano.” The chorus was changed to “Groove Is In The Fart.”

About Ben Allen

Our music editor Ben Allen was born one stormy evening in a quaint Northern California coastal village. Upon birth he was immediately exposed to the soothing analog sounds of artists such as Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, Paul Simon, Captain Beefheart and Santana. As the lad grew, so did his appreciation for an assortment of abrasive hard rock. A pubescent flirtation with butt metal was shattered in the early 1990’s by exposure to Nirvana and other so-called “Alternative” bands. While in college, our protagonist became a DJ on a local station, and began work as a freelance music journalist. During this period he became entranced with artists such as Tortoise, Slint, Modest Mouse, Guided By Voices and Pavement. Currently Allen resides in Arcata, CA where he continues to obsess and salivate over new recordings by his favorite artists. He works with music industry people to ensure that Savage Henry’s contributors receive music and other promotional materials. He also writes a silly monthly list titled “Ben’s 10.”

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