Ben’s 10 Volume LVIII: Broke-Ass Rockstars

Sly Stone
Years of bad financial planning and excess left the former 70s star practically homeless. In 2010 he was living in a van in Crenshaw, smoking PCP, and continually rambling incoherently.

Courtney Love
Love has claimed that somehow $530 million of her fortune from Kurt Cobain’s estate has been stolen. A more likely explanation would suggest she took the money, rented a house in a tropical locale, consumed copious amounts of narcotics, and created more of her barely-listenable music.

Chuck Berry
Berry spent a good portion of his fortune on crack, underage Thai prostitutes, and champagne. By 1988, he was so destitute he was forced to sell off all the footage he recorded of women urinating in his restaurant, The Southern Air. Golden shower lovers rejoice!

Scott Stapp
Perhaps as a form of Karma for fronting the most vanilla schlock-rock band of the 90s, Stapp has recently claimed he’s broke and sleeping in his truck. He also thinks the CIA has hired him to kill Obama, so I’m guessing there’s some heavy drug use going on.

Chan Marshall
Due to depression issues, Chan has had large periods of inactivity. She had to cash a bond in order to buy the equipment to record her latest, 2010’s Sun.

Goo Goo Dolls
The Goo Goo’s got fucked by Warner Brothers. Despite selling millions of their hit record Dizzy Up the Girl, they were unable to recoup on their advance. I’d feel bad for them, but their music makes me want stab myself in the ear with a rusty knife.

Pete Doherty
Living the life of a crackhead rockstar can be a challenge. Notorious narcotic vacuum Pete Doherty learned this the hard way. In 2010 he was forced to play solo acoustic shows in tiny venues just to afford a shithole basement apartment. Luckily for Pete, the Libertines have since reunited and are playing festivals, raking in the bucks.

Rick James
James suffered from a severe form of poverty known as moral bankruptcy. His super freaky ways led him into a downward spiral of addiction and irresponsible behavior. Remember, kids, “cocaine is a hell of a drug!”

Bono
Although Bono isn’t broke, he should be for being such a self-important, dick-cheeseburger!

Gary Glitter
Glitter’s earnings from his briefly successful recording career were all spent on plane tickets to Vietnam, where he repeatedly performed indecent acts on minors. A registered chi-mo, he now works as a janitor, cleaning the jack-off booths at his local porn shop.

About Ben Allen

Our music editor Ben Allen was born one stormy evening in a quaint Northern California coastal village. Upon birth he was immediately exposed to the soothing analog sounds of artists such as Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, Paul Simon, Captain Beefheart and Santana. As the lad grew, so did his appreciation for an assortment of abrasive hard rock. A pubescent flirtation with butt metal was shattered in the early 1990’s by exposure to Nirvana and other so-called “Alternative” bands. While in college, our protagonist became a DJ on a local station, and began work as a freelance music journalist. During this period he became entranced with artists such as Tortoise, Slint, Modest Mouse, Guided By Voices and Pavement. Currently Allen resides in Arcata, CA where he continues to obsess and salivate over new recordings by his favorite artists. He works with music industry people to ensure that Savage Henry’s contributors receive music and other promotional materials. He also writes a silly monthly list titled “Ben’s 10.”

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