I know our readership spends a great deal of time thinking, “I am sure curious about Rick Allen’s penis.” What follows is some fascinating insight into the very “private parts” of rock and roll royalty.
“The Nuge” is a mentally challenged, buck-toothed hillbilly and fittingly his ding-dong is half an inch long, but four inches wide, resembling a can of chewing tobacco.
The king of adult contemporary crap has recently put down his silly saxophone, preferring to fellate himself as he has a sixteen inch long meat-whistle.
The lead vocalist of Mr. Big could not think of a more appropriate name for his band as his anaconda is so large it makes John Holmes’ member look like the genitals of a field mouse.
The lead asshole of KISS is lucky he has that huge tongue to satisfy his many groupies. He’s overcompensated his whole life for his teeny flesh rocket by making ludicrous amount of money, fronting a mediocre band and generally being a douche bag.
Gaga is a multi-talented artist who has sold millions of records, inspired fans worldwide and (mostly) kept her meat stick hidden from public exposure.
The famous one-armed drummer of Def Leppard has recently “beefed” up his sound by smacking his snare drum with his trouser chorizo.
Wayne’s nickname originates not from his small stature (he’s 5’5”), but from his microscopic mouse pee pee that resembles a straightened paper clip.
While he used to solicit police officers to slob his knob in public restrooms, Michael’s career has fallen limp, much like his shriveled up weenie.
The Motorhead front man has claimed to have slept with over 1200 women in his lifetime. It’s an incredible accomplishment from a butt-ugly, drug-addled zombie with a dick that closely resembles his famous mole.
Widely considered the original punk rocker, Richard (or Dick as his friends call him) has a yogurt slinger that burns like the depths of Hell. Or maybe it’s just the gonorrhea.