While not always known for their green thumbs during their lifetimes, the following artists now have a second career entering rose-growing competitions, their decomposing corpses providing the fertilizer. Let’s check in on some of their recent entries:
Similar to John Wayne, Elvis expired with 72 pounds of feces in his colon, earning his roses third place for their impressive brown sheen.
The Pantera and Damageplan guitarist was so fucking metal, the roses sprouting near his grave are the blackest you’ve ever seen.
The roses entered by the Motorhead frontman not only did not place, but were banned from being displayed in the competition at all. Much like they Motorhead frontman, they were ugly as all hell!
Of course Willie’s “honorable mention” roses were green in color, dude smoked the Lazer like a chimney. Oh wait, he’s not dead?
Ronnie James Dio
Despite his best attempts, the most famous skullet-sporting dwarf in metal has not placed in a competition. His roses are never taller than 2 inches high.
The recently deceased elfin Minnesotan has never lost a contest. His purple velvet breed of rose is exquisite in both color and texture.
Although beautiful, the King of Pop’s flowers did not place in his only competition. The judges were all children and not allowed to go near them.
The Dead frontman sprouted up some real beauties; alas, they lost all of their petals as they were as big and heavy as his man-boobies.
Cobain’s rose’s never had a chance, as the petals emerged with numerous needle-puncture holes.
I have Faith the recently-deceased vocalist will continue to be victorious in every competition his roses are entered in, as the petals are beautifully rainbow-striped.