For the benefit of you fine readers out there, the Music Research and Development Department at Savage Henry Independent Times spent the last four months conducting interviews with some of music’s brightest stars. The questioning mostly consisted of their preferred methods of getting high and all things marijuana-related. What follows is incredible insight into the these dope fiends and their preferred smoking methods.
Bumfuck, Michigan’s biggest Trump-loving, terrible-music-making, white-trash buffoon smokes his seed-laden schwag out of his Aunt’s glass crystal meth pipe. Hopefully some shards will splinter and destroy his larynx so we never have to hear from this piece of shit again.
Of course the godfather of country/folk perfection only smokes fat joints. He’s old school like that and enjoys the ritual of rolling before puffing.
The front man of grunge legends TAD only consumes the ganja by eating tasty edible sweets made with butter, sugar, and other substances contributing to his gargantuan body mass.
Upon questioning, the Doggfather insisted that he no longer indulges in the grass. The interview was conducted between hits off his five-foot bong.
The Motor City Madman enjoys smoking a nice PCP/hash combination out of a deer antler pipe. This chemical consumption seems the only rational explanation for his pointless slaughter of animals, support of Trump, and general idiotic behavior. I hate Michigan.
Mr. Jesus Christ himself enjoyed freebasing shatter off aluminum foil, but only after his brother shit and jizzed on it.
The notoriously moody, brilliant songwriter enjoys the organic, cool feel of a hit of grass out of a hollowed-out apple. Shit, that was too easy… and stupid.
The front-man of a mediocre gimmick band and known misogynist, capitalist asshole, Simmons claims to have never taken drugs. He had a THC suppository developed to hide his marijuana habit… up his b-hole, that is!
The aging Michael Jackson look-a-like loves to hit dabs with a blowtorch. Perhaps that explains her current facial features?
Some say she sings like a mentally-challenged pigeon. Stevie has a special technique for creating green powder from resin, which is then blown up her asshole with a straw by her personal assistant.