Ben’s 10 Volume LXXXIX: Rock Star Smoking Techniques

For the benefit of you fine readers out there, the Music Research and Development Department at Savage Henry Independent Times spent the last four months conducting interviews with some of music’s brightest stars. The questioning mostly consisted of their preferred methods of getting high and all things marijuana-related. What follows is incredible insight into the these dope fiends and their preferred smoking methods.

Kid Rock

Bumfuck, Michigan’s biggest Trump-loving, terrible-music-making, white-trash buffoon smokes his seed-laden schwag out of his Aunt’s glass crystal meth pipe. Hopefully some shards will splinter and destroy his larynx so we never have to hear from this piece of shit again.

Willie Nelson

Of course the godfather of country/folk perfection only smokes fat joints. He’s old school like that and enjoys the ritual of rolling before puffing.

Tad Doyle

The front man of grunge legends TAD only consumes the ganja by eating tasty edible sweets made with butter, sugar, and other substances contributing to his gargantuan body mass.

Snoop Dogg

Upon questioning, the Doggfather insisted that he no longer indulges in the grass. The interview was conducted between hits off his five-foot bong.

Ted Nugent

The Motor City Madman enjoys smoking a nice PCP/hash combination out of a deer antler pipe. This chemical consumption seems the only rational explanation for his pointless slaughter of animals, support of Trump, and general idiotic behavior. I hate Michigan.

G.G. Allin

Mr. Jesus Christ himself enjoyed freebasing shatter off aluminum foil, but only after his brother shit and jizzed on it.

Fiona Apple

The notoriously moody, brilliant songwriter enjoys the organic, cool feel of a hit of grass out of a hollowed-out apple. Shit, that was too easy… and stupid.

Gene Simmons

The front-man of a mediocre gimmick band and known misogynist, capitalist asshole, Simmons claims to have never taken drugs. He had a THC suppository developed to hide his marijuana habit… up his b-hole, that is!

 

Cher

The aging Michael Jackson look-a-like loves to hit dabs with a blowtorch. Perhaps that explains her current facial features?

Stevie Nicks

Some say she sings like a mentally-challenged pigeon. Stevie has a special technique for creating green powder from resin, which is then blown up her asshole with a straw by her personal assistant.

About Ben Allen

Our music editor Ben Allen was born one stormy evening in a quaint Northern California coastal village. Upon birth he was immediately exposed to the soothing analog sounds of artists such as Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, Paul Simon, Captain Beefheart and Santana. As the lad grew, so did his appreciation for an assortment of abrasive hard rock. A pubescent flirtation with butt metal was shattered in the early 1990’s by exposure to Nirvana and other so-called “Alternative” bands. While in college, our protagonist became a DJ on a local station, and began work as a freelance music journalist. During this period he became entranced with artists such as Tortoise, Slint, Modest Mouse, Guided By Voices and Pavement. Currently Allen resides in Arcata, CA where he continues to obsess and salivate over new recordings by his favorite artists. He works with music industry people to ensure that Savage Henry’s contributors receive music and other promotional materials. He also writes a silly monthly list titled “Ben’s 10.”

Check Also

METZ – Strange Peace

Chaps Blue Ribbon, contributor   METZ have not lost their taste for smashing out a …