Ben’s 10 Volume LXXXVIII: – It’s a Rock n’ Roll Pizza Eating Contest!

Ben Allen, music editor

 

Some of the heaviest (pun intended) rockers of all time recently got together for a good ol’ fashioned pizza-pie eating contest. Let’s check in on how they fared in the competition and what they managed to ingest.

 

Meat Loaf

Well, obviously, the large-breasted man known as Meat Loaf indulged in three family size meat-lovers and was able to come in fourth place.

 

Axl Rose

Axl displayed amazing patience, sitting for six hours and eating five cheese-only medium pies. Second place.

 

Ann Wilson

Of course, the front-woman of Washington’s most bad-ass heavy rock group chowed down three Heart-shaped pizzas, coming in fifth.

 

The Fat Boys

It may have seemed a bit unfair, but all three Fat Boys competed together, taking down six medium Hawaiians. Eight place.

 

The Notorious B.I.G.

Biggie was miraculously resurrected from the grave and surprised the crowd by arriving at the contest and destroying ten family-size supreme pizzas for a first place victory!

 

TAD

The infamous “grunge lord” of Seattle arrived late and only managed to eat one full vegetarian pie for a third place finish.

 

C.C. Deville

The Poison guitarist known for “guitar screechin’ and hair bleachin’,” had nothing but a good time, showed up inebriated and passed out before any pizza was eaten. Last place.

 

Damian Abraham

The leader of the band Fucked Up is known for his wild stage performances, and took to the competition like it was one of his concerts. He ended up smearing his pesto and tomato pie all over his naked body, barely eating any. Sixth place.

 

Elvis

The King arrived and ate three of his favorite bacon and peanut butter small pizzas, then died immediately after while taking a shit. Again. Seventh place.

 

John Popper

It was either all of the meth, or his stomach-stapling operation, but the Blues Traveler singer only ate one small cheese and anchovies pie for a ninth place finish.

About Ben Allen

Our music editor Ben Allen was born one stormy evening in a quaint Northern California coastal village. Upon birth he was immediately exposed to the soothing analog sounds of artists such as Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, Paul Simon, Captain Beefheart and Santana. As the lad grew, so did his appreciation for an assortment of abrasive hard rock. A pubescent flirtation with butt metal was shattered in the early 1990’s by exposure to Nirvana and other so-called “Alternative” bands. While in college, our protagonist became a DJ on a local station, and began work as a freelance music journalist. During this period he became entranced with artists such as Tortoise, Slint, Modest Mouse, Guided By Voices and Pavement. Currently Allen resides in Arcata, CA where he continues to obsess and salivate over new recordings by his favorite artists. He works with music industry people to ensure that Savage Henry’s contributors receive music and other promotional materials. He also writes a silly monthly list titled “Ben’s 10.”

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