Ben Allen, music editor
Some of the heaviest (pun intended) rockers of all time recently got together for a good ol’ fashioned pizza-pie eating contest. Let’s check in on how they fared in the competition and what they managed to ingest.
Well, obviously, the large-breasted man known as Meat Loaf indulged in three family size meat-lovers and was able to come in fourth place.
Axl displayed amazing patience, sitting for six hours and eating five cheese-only medium pies. Second place.
Of course, the front-woman of Washington’s most bad-ass heavy rock group chowed down three Heart-shaped pizzas, coming in fifth.
The Fat Boys
It may have seemed a bit unfair, but all three Fat Boys competed together, taking down six medium Hawaiians. Eight place.
The Notorious B.I.G.
Biggie was miraculously resurrected from the grave and surprised the crowd by arriving at the contest and destroying ten family-size supreme pizzas for a first place victory!
The infamous “grunge lord” of Seattle arrived late and only managed to eat one full vegetarian pie for a third place finish.
The Poison guitarist known for “guitar screechin’ and hair bleachin’,” had nothing but a good time, showed up inebriated and passed out before any pizza was eaten. Last place.
The leader of the band Fucked Up is known for his wild stage performances, and took to the competition like it was one of his concerts. He ended up smearing his pesto and tomato pie all over his naked body, barely eating any. Sixth place.
The King arrived and ate three of his favorite bacon and peanut butter small pizzas, then died immediately after while taking a shit. Again. Seventh place.
It was either all of the meth, or his stomach-stapling operation, but the Blues Traveler singer only ate one small cheese and anchovies pie for a ninth place finish.