Ben’s 10 Volume XLV

Most children are fond of animated female leads, especially when it’s a dazzling princess or a lovable animal character. They’re beautiful, they smile, laugh, and often express themselves in song, creating endearing figures for kids. Too often, though, it seems the male leads take the more heroic roles, while females are portrayed as unambitious, helpless damsels in distress. You’ll see below how multi-dimensional and intriguing some of these female leads became once they finished their most famous roles.

Jessica Rabbit
After her sexy starring role in 1988’s Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Jessica left Roger and became an independently wealthy entrepreneur. Her first project was a dating website for interspecies relationships.

Lady
The adorable Lady left the film industry and became a service animal for Joan Rivers.

Sleeping Beauty
Upon awakening and coming to her senses, Sleeping Beauty ditched the Prince. She quickly became a leading activist against the source of her sedation, Rohypnol (roofies), as well as an advocate for narcoleptic populations.

Bambi’s Mother
Contrary to popular belief, Bambi’s mother did not perish due to a hunter’s gunshot. She actually faked her death, abandoning her family for a buck named “Lorenzo” that she met on eHarmony. They’re happily married, living in Baltimore with three fawns.

Mulan
Mulan came out transgender in 1994 and began the process of becoming male. He is now “Miles,” a software developer living in Shanghai.

Ariel
After The Little Mermaid, Ariel became increasingly obsessed with hoarding. She has failed to land any other serious acting roles and was recently seen on the horrific television program Celebrity Hoarders.

Snow White
Due to her experience with that awful poisoned apple, Ms. White became a farmer and spokesperson for organic foods. She is also a leading advocate for little people, lobbying on their behalf in Washington as well as serving on a number of committees and advisory boards.

Alice
Alice never stopped talking about “Wonderland” her entire life. Her psychiatrist diagnosed her with substance-induced psychotic disorder as a result of excessive psychedelic drug consumption. She also had to have a large tumor removed from her cerebral cortex, which may have been the source of the hallucinations.

Jane
As she was never cut out for the jungle, Jane left Tarzan and moved to New York City. She bought an old apartment complex, renovated it and offered the first “clothing optional” condominium community in the city.

Pocahontas
At the age of only 22, Pocahontas died in England, most likely from smallpox or pneumonia. She had boarded a ship to return to Virginia, but almost immediately became gravely ill and was taken ashore where she died in husband John Rolfe’s arms.

 

About Ben Allen

Our music editor Ben Allen was born one stormy evening in a quaint Northern California coastal village. Upon birth he was immediately exposed to the soothing analog sounds of artists such as Fleetwood Mac, The Beatles, Paul Simon, Captain Beefheart and Santana. As the lad grew, so did his appreciation for an assortment of abrasive hard rock. A pubescent flirtation with butt metal was shattered in the early 1990’s by exposure to Nirvana and other so-called “Alternative” bands. While in college, our protagonist became a DJ on a local station, and began work as a freelance music journalist. During this period he became entranced with artists such as Tortoise, Slint, Modest Mouse, Guided By Voices and Pavement. Currently Allen resides in Arcata, CA where he continues to obsess and salivate over new recordings by his favorite artists. He works with music industry people to ensure that Savage Henry’s contributors receive music and other promotional materials. He also writes a silly monthly list titled “Ben’s 10.”

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