Like a Rock? CHEVY TRUCKS
Why it’s complete b.s.: What are they even talking about, crack cocaine? How in the fuck is a pickup truck even remotely like smoking the rock?
Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires U.S. FOREST SERVICE
Why it’s complete b.s.: Most forest fires are started by lightning. Ergo, unless you’re Zeus, you can’t prevent jack-freakin’-squat. And confidential to Smokey: Your butch Pedobear routine is so done.
The Cheesiest KRAFT MAC N’ CHEESE
Why it’s complete b.s.: I hope you’re sitting down for this, but have you ever actually read the label? That nuclear orange powder stuff is not even cheese.
Droid Does MOTOROLA
Why it’s complete b.s.: Last time I checked, Droid doesn’t wipe my ass… Wait — there’s an app out for that???
The San Francisco Treat RICE-A-RONI
Why it’s complete b.s.: Meet me down at O’Farrell and Larkin and I’ll introduce you to the *real* San Francisco treat… IN MY PANTS!