Articles

Home Improvement Tips

Zeke Herrera, staff I know you’re like me and you’ve watched Home Improvement and thought “this could probably be better”. Tim Taylor’s antics are fun, but my 15th time going through reruns, things can get a little dull. Of course it could be improved (*wink*), but how? Well here’s a few pointers on how to make your Home Improvement viewing …

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Top 5 Urban Farming Pests (And How To Stop ‘Em)

Dave Losso, contributor Ants A colony of ants can devour your plants. Line your planter walls with sticky traps and if you can find the hill and plant a poison trap nearby. You can also spray it with a hose if you’re into that. Rats Rats not only eat your crops but they also contaminate your entire garden with plague. …

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Extreme Home Makeover…Nah, You’ve Just Got a Meth Problem

Josh Argyle, contributor So you have decided to feature the use of methamphetamine prominently in your life. Not my decision, or a good or even decent decision. But what’s done is done. YOU’RE A METH GUY NOW!  So it’s time to start acting like it. First things first, as a well-to-do meth enthusiast, you need a meth enthusiast house. Your …

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How to Decorate Your New Place After the Divorce

Love isn’t real. But your new sadness hut is! Here’s how to take whatever items you legally have left after the divorce and make your new house, or rather, rented room, a home. Put Your Bed on the Floor – This is less a design choice and more a necessity. She kept the frame, you got the mattress. A large …

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Obscure Cuts of Beef, Ranked

The elite gastronome isn’t content with your run-of-the-mill cuts of beef. That $120 rib eye steak seared rare? Take it in hand and heave it into the ocean where it belongs with all the other trash. No, the pure gourmand knows the secret bovine menu — the truly arcane cuts of beef. Here they are, in ascending order of succulence: …

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2018’s Newest Monthly Subscription Boxes

We’ve all seen them…Loot Crate, Blue Apron and others that sponsor some podcast we really don’t care to remember. We recently attended Box Con and got the scoop on the new subscription delivery services hitting a mailbox near you soon. Box o’ Boxes – A box full of different sizes boxes for your monthly boxing needs Trump Trunk – Every month you receive a …

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Capes Are the Future We Need and Deserve

Adam Jacobs, contributor Why don’t more people wear capes? Royals have it down. Get yourself a nice, fancy cape and you’ll never be cold or unfashionable. And imagine vaping in a cape! Oh boy! Believe me, you want to vape in a cape. I’m tired of these pesky sleeves always getting in my way. I’m here to put my allegiance …

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This SHITs for Reels – Chilly Edition

Mike Sargent, staff Charles Bronson saves a loser dog from its killer owner, so the owner’s gang initiates and loses a gunfight with Bronson. Subsequently Bronson becomes the quarry in a Death Hunt (1981) through the frozen north, pursued by bounty hunters and Canadian Mounted Lee Marvin. Three days from anywhere is a Gold Rush (1925), where Charlie Chaplin tramps …

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Your Mama Jokes That Will Leave Them Crying in Shame

Up your game, baby. You’ve got to bring it hard if you want to diss my mama. To wit:   Your mama is so fat that she broke her leg in a grisly skiing accident. Your mama is so ugly that she wore a mask to go trick-or-treating. Your mama is so fat that her blood type is O-positive, one …

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Polar Myths De-Myth-tified

Dr. Foxmeat, contributor Here are just a few things you probably didn’t know about these frozen extremities of our mother Gaia: 1) The Poles Aren’t ACTUAL Poles This should come as no surprise to anyone who’s ever thought for a fucking second about it. For starters, it’s WAY too cold at the actual poles to support a healthy post hole. …

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