Articles

Illegal Athletes

Sean Green, contributor We all love professional athletes but sometimes their most memorable work comes off the field. No I’m not talking about court mandated charity work or cameos in Adam Sandler movies I’m talking about crimes. These three athletes live by the mantra “go big or go home” especially when it comes to breaking the law. Everyone is very …

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Cooking Tips

It’s that time of the year again — time to eat. Here are some good tips for making the process of food preparation easier: *To soften a package of cream cheese, hurl it balefully into a roaring fireplace *Tenderize your meat by whispering your undying devotion to it *For those hectic moments when you don’t have a minute to spare, …

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This SHITs for Reels – The Mall Edition

Michel Sargent, Movieish Title The sequel to Clerks (1994) is a bottom of the barrel dick/butt/boob joke-filled buddy movie about a bunch of Mallrats (1995) “with no shopping agenda” causing havoc while disrupting a game show taking place near the food court. It’s romantic too. Atmospheric music and violent post-prison ex-boyfriend’s shopping cart P.O.V. shots instill dread as a supermarket …

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From the Mouths of Babes – The Savage Henry Comedy Festival Primer

The 6th annual Savage Henry Comedy Fest descends on Humboldt October 6th – 8th. In the last half decade the festival has grown in size, quality, and reputation. I mean, it’s still not a huge fest and most of the performers are turnt as hell, but it’s become a yearly tradition for some of the best and weirdest comics working …

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R.I.P. Illegal Weed

Billy Wayne Davis, contributor Illegal Cannabis in California passed away on the evening of November 8th, 2016, but not without a fight. Growers, trimmers, smugglers, dealers, and pigfucking politicians alike fought hard to keep you illegal as horse fucking. But the sweet, sweet allure of death’s peaceful elixir was too much, and with that the naughty gatherings, secret grow rooms, …

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Bad Threats: How to Talk Like a Tough Guy

When mano a mano violence is imminent, you’ve got to say the right thing to make your opponent quake in fear. Try these on for size next time you’re putting up your dukes: “There’s gonna be two hits, pal: me hitting you, then me hitting the floor” “Buddy, you’re gonna feel real guilty when I succumb to my injuries” “Hope …

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Six Beers Deep – Founder’s All Day IPA

Founders All Day IPA Founders Brewing Company ABV: 4.7% Hey all! After a few months of rest and relaxation(rehab), I’m back(relapsing) to treat you with a summary of my experience with this beer after my brief hiatus(intervention). So let’s go! First: Just to remind you all, I’m not the biggest IPA fan, but I’ve found a certain amount of enjoyment …

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The Worst Song in Human History: Shopping from A to Z

Keith Bergman, contributor In 1982, choreographer-turned-singer Toni Basil was riding high on the success of “Mickey,” a gigantic worldwide pop hit and a genuinely great piece of bubblegum songwriting. Eager to strike while the iron was hot, her label released another single from her “Word of Mouth” album. Though it sported a cover of the David Essex hit “Rock On” …

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7 THINGS YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST DO BEFORE YOU DIE

Everyone’s got a bucket list for you these days. Well, I have one for you as well. This stuff is mandatory: 1) CLEAN YOUR ROOM It’s getting really messy. The laundry hamper is there for a reason, OK? And what’s with the dishes? Why are there dishes in here?   2) FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK I’m not going to tell you …

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