Articles

When Is It the Right Time to Play Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler?”

We live in a complicated world. Wars, droughts, crime, and adorable, yet deadly bear attacks. The last thing you need is to not know the appropriate time to play “The Gambler.” Well, lucky for you we compiled a guide to help you with just that. Making sweet love: Of course play “The Gambler,” stupid!  Jesus Christ, if this is even …

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Always Bet on Black: Wesley Snipes’ Guide to Gambling

Adam Jacobs, contributor If I know one thing, it’s when Wesley Snipes gives you advice, you take it. I met Wesley Snipes at a 4th of July party in Venice, California just weeks before he began his prison term for tax evasion. He was rolling on ecstasy, drinking water like it was going out of style, and was wearing an …

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21 Safe Bets

In today’s gambling world, you really have to watch where you lay your money down. In America there is a lot of money being made off of people accidentally screwing up. Chances are pretty good that you too have been taken advantage of by someone with the position and tools to do so. These days, I am very careful when …

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No Manatees?! Man, What a Tease!

William Toblerone, contributor Destitute January was followed by Impoverished February back in 2002. It was the winter when I would search my fanny pack for cash so that I could find out what Go-gurt was all about, only to find it empty except for a few rotten kumquats. This was long before my current ultra-wealthy status. Back before I could …

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Vegas Has an Outlaw Brother and His Name Is Reno

Butch Escobar, contributor When people come and tell me about their Vegas trip I make the official “Jack Off” symbol and walk away shaking my head. Look at you with your stupid selfie in front of the Venetian making stupid peace symbols or pointing at air like you’re the first person to “live large” in Vegas. Meanwhile your bank account …

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Kenny Rogers’ Guide to Poker

Keith D, contributor Kenny Rogers here. This is my super system to winning at poker. In this book I will explain how you too can become a poker millionaire. If you’re gonna play the game, you gotta learn to play it right. Know when to hold ‘em. Not only the name of the most popular poker game, “Hold ‘em” is also …

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Communist Red at Roulette Wheel Sick of People Putting Their Money on It

Sam Greenspan, contributor Hailing principles outlined in their lauded screeds of Marxist literature, Red, embattled in a neo-dogmatic war on behalf of the rights of the proletariat, has finally had enough. At a roulette wheel located in Reno, Nevada’s second branch of the Circus Circus Hotel and Casino, Red, undergoing a stern socioeconomic analysis of class relations and societal conflict, …

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This SHITS for Reels – Gambling Edition

Michel Sargent, contributor The Gambler (1974) starts off in debt “forty-four dimes, that’s, six El Dorados.” He’s a down-on-his-luck college professor, basketball player, aggressive takes-frustration-out-on-his-mom tennis player, and is on a desperate fucked-up search for “the money” to pay back what he lost during each previous scene. I hate gambling. No actual souls were gambled in the making of Gambling …

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The Savage Henry Guide to the 2015-2016 NHL Season

The NHL season is underway, and that means that all of the several thousand fans of hockey in the United States are excited. But did you know that there is another country north of us, and it’s called Canada, and all of the people there love hockey? To appease our readers in the Great White North, here follows a rundown …

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The Scott Bowser Casino Rant

Scott Bowser, contributor Years ago I worked on a merchandising crew and spent a lot of time in the Las Vegas area.  Merchandising isn’t as glamorous as it sounds. It’s a bunch of meth addicts setting up displays in supermarkets and retail outlets, but they didn’t mind my alcoholism and we got per diem and mileage. I was quite fond …

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