Articles

Las Vegas: Parents Gone Wild

Prelude: It was a normal day. A lot of running around; nothing special — until I finally made it home. Ria was very excited, but she didn’t tell me what was going on. She was like, “You wanna have some real fun?” I was stunned. “Like Richard Gere?” “No, what?” “Nothing, nevermind. What?” “We’re going to Las gas!” “I’m never …

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Road Rage “Geritol Generation Genocide”

The Angry Driver, Contributor Road rage is never at its most frustrating when stuck behind old people driving. Old. Fucking. People. Driving. They drive cars that are only practical when you need absolute comfort for your champagne-sipping passengers while hurtling down the freeway at 100 m.p.h. They have the worst vision, the worst hearing, the worst reaction times and the …

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This is NOT a sports story

I grew up by the foothills of the Sierras directly four hours over L.A. and four hours under S.F. You’d think that would have made me California-sports-team neutral, maybe even with a Bay lean, because L.A. is, well … L.A. They have enough love from the world. I hate that I must throw in mine for their sports team. My …

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Evening in Kadiköy

James Tressler, Contributor In the days of the Ottoman Empire, the streets of Istanbul were plagued by dogs (in some parts of the city this hasn’t changed) — street dogs who wandered alone and, at night, in packs. They were generally cared for well; any dog that lingered outside the door of a cafe would be given some morsel from …

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So you think you are a badass scrabble player?

Chad Kingston-MacDonald, contributor My advice to you is to do what your parents did: Play on a real board. Oh, sure, you consistently rack up 40-point games on Scrabble for iPhone and routinely score 50-point, seven-letter bonus monsters on “Words with Friends” (a cheap iPhone app ripoff version of Scrabble). We’ve seen you gleefully gloating on Facebook about your use …

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ROAD raGE “The Angry Driver Wants TO lISten, Fuckface”

The Angry Driver, Contributor I admit it freely — I’m one fucking pissed-off, angry motherfucking driver. I get red-faced, vein-popping, screaming mad due to other people’s driving. I pound the steering wheel and honk incessantly and rev the engine to a screaming pitch while tailgating, flashing my lights and trying to intimidate you into getting the goddamn fuck out of …

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HAIKUS ABOUT HUMBOLDT

Eureka Industrial smoke Over hard-working white trash Pittsburgh by the sea Arcata Hipsters and hippies Battle over the turf where A college once stood McKinleyville Growing like a weed Move here for the tract housing Hope you like white folks Kneeland Miles of uphill road Unkempt mansions left and right Much pot is grown here Fieldbrook Beautiful hillside Mountain crest, …

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La La La La Lola and life’s other lessons

Even before puberty, we catch bits of harsh insight about the world: that things can harm you, that not everything is fair and that adults are fallible and even capable of straight-faced lying to you. Most kids find this out when they discover the truth about Santa. For me it was about the lyrics to the Kinks song “Lola.” I …

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Ben’s Ten: Volume III

1. David Bowie — “Ziggy Stardust” (1972) To the casual listener, the Bowie classic “Ziggy Stardust” may sound simply like the story of a rock star, his rise to fame and ultimately his tragic decline. Upon closer inspection, there’s so much more. Ziggy is actually an alien being sent to Earth with a message of hope, peace and love. The …

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Untitled

Max Howe, Contributor It’s late. the liquor store lights rest as the liquor store patrons writhe in alcoholic bliss. We haven’t eaten in three days thanks to a lack of marijuana somehow I find myself able to shit although it always comes out like water which I find to be disturbing since I can’t eat. She’s naked on my bed …

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