Articles

If Eazy Did It

 With Special Contributor Marshall Boyett It was a sad day in March of 1995 — one of West Coast gangster rap’s pioneers died. eazy-e started with nWA and then split to go solo, but died too young and never got a chance to move on to that next level, like his former homeboy ice Cube. But what if he hadn’t …

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HUMBOLDT-BASED PHOBIAS their secret origins

  Arkleyphobia You are inflicted with a toe-curling fear of Coastal Commission mixers, single malt scotch and Tea Party politics. Also characterized by a marked aversion to centers for the performing arts and beer pong tournaments played aboard Gulf Stream jets. The thought of fishing for salmon at elite Alaska resorts makes you tremble. You are forced to take Xanax …

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AMEN my quest for spiritual seniority

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be able to marry people, but I remember being told that the only people that could do so were ministers and boat captains. I wasn’t about to spend time in a seminary or learn to pilot a boat, so my childhood aspiration has been left unmet until now. Thanks to the …

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Are you reading this? Uhh Yeah Dude: Seth and Jonathan’s moms can’t be wrong

“They’re so Raven, his daughters,” Seth Romatelli said of Kobe Bryant’s daughters’ sparkly dresses as he watched the post- game award ceremonies June 17 when the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Boston Celtics to win the 2010 NBA champion- ship. Romatelli is one of two hosts of the pod- cast “Uhh Yeah Dude” In a phone interview with Savage Henry …

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The Shoechucker We are all Oscar Grant

Choada Salinas, staff Let’s start here, just in case you don’t know what happened. Frankly, if that’s really true, then you are either a complete moron or you live under a rock or, considering this is Humboldt, both of those things multiplied by being too stoned to think. Two hours into 2009, Oscar Grant was in a fight at the …

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Savage Henry Summer Get-Away Guide to the Great Outdoors

Our backyard is an outdoorsman’s paradise. Whether kayaking, backpacking, hunting or fishing be your pursuit, California’s rugged North Coast offers it in abundance. How hard is our crush on the great outdoors? We Humboldters have been known to cry over the YouTube trailer for “A River Runs Through It” — the 1992 Brad Pitt vehicle purporting to boast the natural …

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Why do we trust dudes with beards?

In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s big money in long facial hair. Fact is, you can’t swing a dead cat these days without hitting a consumer product that’s being pimped by dudes with unkempt facial hair. Question is, why? The predominant message Bearded Guy conveys, after all, is that he is too broke — or too lazy — to spend …

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Las Vegas: Parents Gone Wild

Prelude: It was a normal day. A lot of running around; nothing special — until I finally made it home. Ria was very excited, but she didn’t tell me what was going on. She was like, “You wanna have some real fun?” I was stunned. “Like Richard Gere?” “No, what?” “Nothing, nevermind. What?” “We’re going to Las gas!” “I’m never …

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Road Rage “Geritol Generation Genocide”

The Angry Driver, Contributor Road rage is never at its most frustrating when stuck behind old people driving. Old. Fucking. People. Driving. They drive cars that are only practical when you need absolute comfort for your champagne-sipping passengers while hurtling down the freeway at 100 m.p.h. They have the worst vision, the worst hearing, the worst reaction times and the …

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This is NOT a sports story

I grew up by the foothills of the Sierras directly four hours over L.A. and four hours under S.F. You’d think that would have made me California-sports-team neutral, maybe even with a Bay lean, because L.A. is, well … L.A. They have enough love from the world. I hate that I must throw in mine for their sports team. My …

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