Articles

I’m Sorry to Hear About Your Mother, What Size Shoes Did She Wear?

The only time trickle down economics actually works is when a wealthy person dies and their children, off being rich somewhere themselves, tell the movers to donate all of their dead parent’s clothing to the Hospice Thrift Shop before they put the house on the market. Hooray! Chances are these wealthy folks visited Ireland at some point and bought a …

Read More »

This SHITs for Reels – The Weed Edition

Stand-up comedian Doug Benson gets Super High Me (2007) in this Big Mac-inspired potumentary. Cameras follow as he quits nugs for 30 days, medically tests his physical, psychological and mental abilities and performs comedy. He then does 30 days super fucking baked from waking to bed while looking at racism, stoner cheetahs and the medical marijuana industry. Stoner buds since …

Read More »

Why My Daughter Thinks Walgreens Is a Grocery Store

Tiffany Greysen, contributor Unless it’s for me, I really hate shopping. I don’t like standing or walking, I’d much rather be sitting somewhere playing on Facebook. I also hate long lines, I actually hate any kind of line, or any kind of waiting. I’m the worst kind of grown-up. I look like a grown-up, but I’m not the kind of …

Read More »

Remembering That Time You Accidentally Did Dabs Because Moms Make Mistakes Too

Tiffany Greysen, contributor Once upon a time, in a land called Arcata, California, an exceptionally lovely, smart, funny mother of two took the word “dabs” and incorrectly assumed that it related to the traditional meaning of the word: Dab noun A small amount of something. “She licked a dab of chocolate from her finger” Synonyms: Drop, spot, smear, splash, speck, …

Read More »

Gender Neutral “Women Be Shopping” Jokes

So you’re out hanging with some friends and you have a great joke you want to tell them. You get all the way through the joke and instead of cracking up all your friends they look horrified. Uh oh, your joke wasn’t funny; it was stupendously offensive! This is a scenario that happens to all of us. Are you tired …

Read More »

Red Pill, Blue Pill, Purp

OJ Patterson, contributor The cylinder’s milky smoke evaporated into a spike, jabbing, piercing, probing until Neo found himself in an all white room. Only two beat-up armchairs and an old timey television in “middle” of the “room” interrupted the emptiness. “This is the Construct,” announced Morpheus, stepping from behind a cloud of smoke. “It’s our loading program. We can load …

Read More »

Never Get Another DUI

Adam Jacobs, contributor Driving Under the Influence can ruin your life and in the state of California you can get a DUI for being high on weed. That’s fucked up. When I’m stoned I drive way better than when I’m sober. I drive slower, pay more attention to butterflies, obey all traffic laws, and stop at every drive-thru. I think …

Read More »

How to Achieve the Perfect Stoner Look

Evan Vest, contributor Look, I enjoy weed as much as the next guy. It’s pretty obvious when you see me that I smoke, which is rad because I’m always being offered weed or getting robbed. I’ve achieved the perfect stoner look after years of practice, and I’ve found one thing that has helped immensely: I’ve never worn ANYTHING with a …

Read More »

Talking Dog Conspiracy Theory

Ryan Allen, contributor A viral video entitled “You won’t believe this shit” has been catching speed around the Internet lately, in which a talking golden retriever named Rover states that there is a conspiracy behind the very existence of dogs. In the video, Rover reveals that after eating an entire tray of marijuana-infused brownies, the world “suddenly opened up” around …

Read More »

Get High Off Your Own Supply

Keith D., contributor Every drug dealer has heard the age-old adage, “Don’t get high off your own supply.” Well, I’m here to tell you that’s foolish. You HAVE to get high on your own supply because it’s cheaper that way. If I have a pound of freshly grown weed, why would I turn around and pay one of my competitors …

Read More »