Articles

How to Receive Terrible Gifts from Your Family

Paul Danke, contributor   Receiving terrible gifts is a curse on the aloof. While some people can say “Thank you” and everyone believes them, we cursed kids from the back of the class can never seem to make people feel appreciated. Sure, the gifts suck, and believe me, they know the gifts suck. It’s your bad behavior: your sighs, your …

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Top 5 Hottest Toys of 2017

Gage Hensley, contributor                 Kevin Spacey ActIon Figure Denies any allegation that slightly involves him. With Kung-Fu grip that works on anyone who works under him and a button that turns him gay at will.             Mike Pence Toy Roomba Cleans up political messes you create through any …

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Celebrity Snacks Unclassified

Celebs are just like us. They wear jean shorts. They pound off. And baby, you better believe they love to snack! But what do they snack ON? That’s the question that has kept philosophers up all night for thousands of years. Famous people are usually rich, so does that mean they all eat caviar and carpaccio di cavallo in between …

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Third Accuser Comes Forward, Says Sen. Bernie Sanders Hugged Inappropriately

The accusations continue to fly as women and men of all walks of life accuse men in power of abusing that power for inappropriate contact and sexual gratification.   And just when you thought all of the creeps and predators have been outed, another accuser comes forward, claiming Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders hugged them inappropriately at a 2015 campaign event. …

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The Least Desirable Sex Toys of 2017

2017 was a great year for sex toy sales. The sex toy industry broke every record in the books and rose to an all-time high in sales, beating out and beating off every previous year in recorded history. Sure, maybe some time back in the cavemen days more sex toys were moved than in 2017, but we had no way …

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Production Notes: The First Line of Defense in the Toy Industry

Josh Argyle, staff   Toys aren’t released to the public without being first run through a gauntlet of tests. Safety, durability, and fun value are some of the most common tests. However, first they must come under the scrutiny of the toy company’s production notes. Here are some of our favorites throughout the years.             …

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Rejected GI Joe Codenames

Around the ol’ GI Joe HQ they only know each other by their kick-ass codenames: Snake Eyes, Stalker, Gung-Ho, Grunt… really powerful, strong, kick-ass names!   But they started running out of names later in the years, and, well… here is the list of names rejected by General Hawk:               Blow Job – Leaf …

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How to be the Weirdest Person at Your Trim Scene

Leslie Small, contributor   Harvest season is upon us, and we all know what that means — trimmigrants! Meaning people paid to manicure weed into a profitable form in a room together, often for days and weeks on end. You’re probably asking yourself, “How can I be the weirdest person there?” Check out this handy guide below!   – Insist …

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