Articles

What The Stuffed Animals On Your Bed Reveal About You To Your One-Night Stand

Tiffany Greysen, contributor Stuffed Turtles / Whales: You would play Rock-Paper-Scissors to see who “gets” to be on bottom, he might as well be having sex with road-kill. Pro-Tip:  Don’t be lazy. If you’re going to do “the sex,” stay checked-in. He shared his weed, listened to you ramble on about nothing, and carried your shoes; the least you can …

Read More »

Bearly Fabulous

Andrea Bartunek, contributor I moved from extremely close to New York City to basically the middle of nowhere, California. Lake Tahoe, to be exact. Now there are real bears where I live and not just fabulous hairy chubby gay men. Although I do miss those. The bears here are different, I mean, of course, they are real live wild animals …

Read More »

The Tiniest Wild Animal

This unicellular little beast pees beer and makes donuts deliciously fluffy. You know him, you love him — I’m talking about yeast. The title is a lie because the yeast microbe was the first domesticated animal. That’s a cool little fact that will get you laid, but by a 5. 10’s need cooler facts to make their panties fall off. …

Read More »

Questions with Gary, The Professional Ghost

Patrick Dangermond, contributor State your name. My name’s Gary and I am a ghost. What were you like when you were alive? I was a seventh century professional acteur! Oh really! So what happened to you? Oh I was an awful acteur. In fact, after a particularly mundane rendition of John Fletcher’s The Noble Gentleman, I was pelted to death …

Read More »

I Hope I Don’t Die

We were truck driving just west of the Rockies, on a coast to coast tour of junky junctions and obsolescence peppered with rumored ghost houses. We came to a crossroads. One direction was labelled “Ralph Macchio,” and the other “Britney Spears.” The scarecrow wasn’t any real help. The radio transmitted a rare broadcast of the fantastic paranormal podcast radio show …

Read More »

My Sister Sees The Dead and I’m Afraid of Dying

Andrea (Hypochandrea) Bartunek, contributor I have never seen a ghost and I’m not sure if I want to. I have definitely felt a ghost, or maybe that was some weird sleep disorder. I’m not sure, but I’m a hypochondriac, so I’ll go with the latter. I guess I’m not open to it enough to see a ghost, or maybe it’s …

Read More »

An Open Letter from that VHS Tape from The Ring

Robert Berry, contributor “SEVEN MORE DAYS!” It’s been NINE fucking years since I’ve been able to say that! Sure, there was a point where being a cursed video tape that would kill anyone who watched it seven days later seemed like a great gig, but these days? Not so much! I’ve been sitting in a Goodwill, mistakenly placed inside of …

Read More »

Witches: How Cold Are Their Tits? – An Investigative Report

“Colder than a witch’s tit.” That’s an expression people have been using ever since they learned about stuff that was really cold, and of course, tits. But how cold is a witch’s tit really? I mean aren’t most tits kind of warm? What do witches do to make their tits so cold? I know they stir cauldrons all day but …

Read More »

Films with Real Ghosts in Them

Most of us probably know the story of the ghost boy that appears briefly in the background during a scene in 1987’s laugh-a-minute Three Men and a Baby. As the story goes, the film was shot in a house where, just five years before, a 9-year-old boy died in a shotgun accident. But that’s not the only motion picture where …

Read More »